Blog entry for:

as i truly am. the fact that i am recovering with others does not mean that i necessarily have the same needs or goals as those other members. i have my own lessons to learn in recovery. but to summarize what the reading says, i do share two very important things with the rest of my fellowship, one that i am an addict (NOT ADDICTED TO THIS OR THAT) and two that i have a program of recovery based on the collective shared experience of the fellowship, including those who have walked this path before me and those who are just starting this journey today. i do not have the desire to use today, but i do have the desire to maintain my freedom from the horrors of active addiction. it was more than a bit ironic to watch one of my fellow members descend from his pink cloud, over the past week. i really did not believe he was ever going to get that recovery is for those who want it and actively seek it. nor did i ever think he was going to realize that when i share i share for me, and if someone else gets something from it, than there is a POWER GREATER THAN ALL OF US at work. i lived in that it is all about appearances mode for far longer than i needed to, and even today i still have the desire to look good. i realize today, that i am not some sort of spiritual giant, nor am i some sort of recovery guru. i am just another addict that has another day clean, in recovery, because i am as diligent as i can be about living a program that is based on that shared experience i spoke of earlier. and on top of that unpleasant truth, i am just a human being with all the foibles of having mortal flesh. so when i find myself, seeing the differences between myself and other members i must go back to the basic fact that i am an addict and the only reason i have not used for all these days is because i do my best to LIVE the program, including working the steps with a sponsor that is part of the fellowship in which i find my recovery. that does not make me any better than anyone else, on the contrary, that truth helps deflate my ever expanding ego, and returns me to the mortal plane.
anyhow, i am going to slack off a bit today, clean up some service tasks and see if i get some time for myself, before i go and give to others, it is once again, a great day to be in recovery and this morning i am grateful for the program that allows me to be a part of something more. contrary to what Groucho Marx may say, i am thankful to be part of an organization that would allow me in.

∞ DT ∞