Blog entry for:

... applying spiritual principles that promise hope to me as well, regardless of my personal goals.
and i was one that focused on the differences before accepting that i was an addict and that i needed another manner of living, after accepting as fact that i was an addict, and for the first eighteen months of my recovery. I WAS SO FUCKIN’ DIFFERENT, IT ALMOST KILLED ME!
what was the event that woke me up to some of the shit that i was going through? a visit to one of my old using buddies in new jersey. while there, we hung out in bars every day and night, he bought on of my favorite substances (and no i will not name it today,...) more than once, and i paid for it the second to last night i was there. and boy was i in trouble. i did not use that night, and today i recognize that as the miracle it was, i got some strength from a source outside of me. after that little experience i finally woke up to who i was and who the folks that could help me were. i stopped being a cross-fellowsipper, and chose to find the brand of recovery i practice to this day. i have received freedom from active addiction and am finding a new way to live.
do i still get stuck on the differences that other addicts share about? of course i do, i have yet to become some sort of spiritual guru and still suffer from a character defect or two! NEVERTHELESS, most of the time, i can hear that judge in my head telling me how different i am, and shut him down. all i have to do is remember that i too, suffer from an incurable disease that affects all areas of my life and will kill me if i allow that part of me to do that. i do not have to use today and that is the message i hear whenever i allow myself the freedom to listen to those with whom i share the rooms.

∞ DT ∞