Blog entry for:

who have suffered from addiction and who are learning to apply the principles of recovery, just like me. i am unique, PERIOD, my story is not that of anyone else, PERIOD, today, however, in spite of those two facts, i CAN and most of the time DO, find the similarities that i share with my peers in recovery, instead of separating myself, by seeing the differences. on of the things that really irks me, is when i hear others spouting out the party line, like some sort of parrot, without thinking about what they are saying. i used to be one of those, and i am grateful, that as i grew up in recovery, i realized that recovery did not mean i had lost the ability to weigh what is being said and contemplate how that pertains to me. what is really ironic, is one of the newest of the new, telling me HOW to do the program, and he drank just to prove he was not powerless over wine! i am certainly glad, that in this fellowship, we do not tell others to go out and try using to see if they are really addicts. there is a whole lot i can get from the newcomer, their experience, strength and hope, is a valuable part of my recovery, however, yes i know that negates all that i have just said, however, when they are just puking back, those tired old bumper stickers without considering the message, there is not a whole lot there for me to get. i know i can get there as well, being a newcomer OR repeating what i have heard for so long, without thinking about the content of what i am sharing. it is that sort of attitude that separates me from the pack. the mindless, trance-like sharing, instead of opening my heart and spilling my guts. i do have this forum, so i can save my spookiest ideas for here.
for the first time since i started writing again, he says as he abruptly switches gears, i am not filled with dread. even though i wrote last night, i fee;l like i have reached a turning point in my step writing. it is no less heinous than it has been, it is no less painful or ugly, and yet, i am finally beginning to feel the release that writing all my sh!t out, is supposed to bring. this morning, i do not want the trauma and drama, i have been craving over the past weeks. this morning, i am comfortable in my own skin. this morning i do not want to play the victim to anyone, and allowing myself to be carried away in tirades against one or another member, just because they are not ready to accept what we are offering, may feel rewarding, but is only illustrative of a point, namely that i too, can be just as obtuse and hide behind the clichés and bromides that are part of how i learned to stay clean. today, i am grateful to have a path to being a better me, and i am hopeful that each and every member i share my recovery with, can find their path to being a better them. as unique individuals and as part of the common thread that binds us all, addiction and recovery.

∞ DT ∞