Blog entry for:

transforms relationships unfortunately the converse is also true, as one of the men who used to call me his sponsor found out. he was unreliable in reporting what was going on in his life, until his ass was in a sling, and even then he attempted to minimize and divert my attention away from the main event. now he is surprised that i no longer trust him and keeps on providing excuses about what he told me and did not tell my in FIFTH STEP, even though i am way past the shock of what i was revealed to me further on down the road. what he lacks is the insight to see what the real issue is here and not the one that i mentioned once and moved on from. he is seriously lazy about thinking for himself and yes i know that is so fVcking judgey, but the truth of why things fell apart is so obvious, that if he took the time to look at his actions and behaviors in the time he was out and about, he would quickly see where shit hit the fan.
the flip side of that argument, because i reliably report my feelings and do the best to be honest, he seemed “blindsided” when i let him know that our relationship had changed and that i no longer felt that i could trust him and would no longer be his sponsor. he seemed to believe that somehow nothing between us had changed, when in fact just about everything had been altered by his actions. forgiveness is not the issue here as i have already forgiven him for all that he did and did not do. for me, altering situations that are toxic by attempting to neutralize the poison, is how i operate, every one in my book deserves at least one “do over,” but i am not going to get stomped into the dust again and will proceed with a bit of caution and trust will have to be earned over time.
just for today, i can be reliable in all that i do. i am grateful i no longer have the desire to be a “flake” and i have a manner of living that pushes me away from flaky behaviors. i understand that al that i do, has consequences, some are worth it and others, not so much. i also know that by living an active program of recovery, to the best of my ability in the here and now, i will be able to count on being reliable, most of the time.

∞ DT ∞