Blog entry for:

interesting, yesterday was fear vs. faith, today surrender vs. acceptance.
i wish i could say that i surrendered to this program when i first got here. hell, i could not even admit i was an addict much less surrender to the disease of addiction and a new way of living. i finally reached the jumping off point and have yet to look back. for me, acceptance may start with surrender, but i have to tolerate something, usually for a great period of time, before one day i wake up and discover that i have finally accepted it.
there are more than a couple of things i still have difficulty accepting even after a number of days clean. i really have a problem accepting that some of us have to go out and test the waters again and again. i tolerate the fact that the revolving door is fact of life, but i resist accepting that fact. although i am powerless to prevent ANYONE, myself included, from using again, it does not make relapses any more acceptable to me yet.
enough of the soapbox, one of the things that i can and do accept today is that i suffer from a fatal and incurable disease of mind, body and spirit that needs to be treated today if i want to live. i also accept that i cannot treat my disease by myself, i need the loving care of GOD and my friends to point out the apparent symptoms and suggest a course of treatment.
and of course that brings me back to the reading, by nurturing my conscious contact with GOD i can get whatever treatment i need today!
-- DT --