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however, i must let the HIGHER POWER of my understanding take care of me each day. okay, i admit it, it is tough for me to let anyone or anything take care of me. where this stubborn and persistent self-reliance comes from is irrelevant. sure it could be part of my human makeup that has been warped out of proportion by my addiction, or a pure byproduct of addiction with no human condition component. but as i said, it is totally irrelevant and why i went there i do not know. regardless of the source, this is something i struggle with, no struggle is not quite the right term, more like consciously try and change, yes that is better, on a daily, even momentarily basis.
so today, i am in an entirely different place than i was yesterday, amazing what a difference twenty-four hours makes. my meditation was deep, my workout was enjoyable, and writing this seems a pleasure rather than a chore today. so looking at the difference between today and yesterday, i would have to say that my process was stuck in surrender yesterday, and today it has moved more in to acceptance. my first clue to that little insight is my emotional reaction to these two days. yesterday everything was a struggle, including meditation, working out and even doing any work, i was irritable and dissatisfied, and even the needles at the acupuncturist were a drear task. this morning, although the world is basically unchanged, none of my emotional condition from yesterday is holding over.
maybe it was because i was way out of balance and my doctor of chinese medicine fixed me. or what is probably more likely, my emotional balance was out of whack and accepting the care of my HIGHER POWER, set that back closer to being more in tune with the world around me.
but anyhow, as i get to the end of my brain dump, i am impressed with the fact that where there was turmoil and strife, there is now serenity and a bit of harmony. i know settling in after a seismic growth experience is never a painless and gentle task, but perhaps it ids finally starting to become commonplace, this new landscape and all i have to do is relax, let myself be taken care of by a POWER GREATER THAN ME and do the next right thing. which feelas like a shower and then off to work again.

∞ DT ∞