Blog entry for:

nurtured into a lasting, durable bond.
to all of those, who have hit the streets protesting the election results, good for you, take that passion and start rebuilding a political party that actually works for all of us, instead of the insider ridden, corporate shill that the Democratic party has become.
to the president elect, get over it, it is perfectly fair and the majority of the electorate who did NOT vote for you have the RIGHT to assemble and say what they will, it is called the Bill of Rights, and perhaps it is time for you to get off TWITTER and spend some time actually reading the Constitution.
i really did mean what i said yesterday about being done commenting on the political process, as i have accepted the results, and i have also accepted that IF i want something different in four years, i need to be active in the political process of taking back a political party form insiders and their corporate overlords, i for one DO NOT welcome them into my world. i surrendered to the fact of the election results on Wednesday morning, i am accepting of who the POTUS-elect is today and i feel the time has come for me to move on. although that is far from how it has always been for me.
surrender, in and of itself, is a distasteful concept to me, even after many days of evidence that it is better than the alternative. in those seven months of me pretending to be clean, there certainly was no surrender and i gave no quarter, i worked the loopholes and nearly got away with it. i was not compliant, and i certainly was not willingly abstinent, in fact i looked for those wholes in my monitoring process that al;lowed me the freedom to use and self-willed the final one. ironically had i waited until the very last minute to go pee in a bottle instead or arrogantly rushing it, i probably would not be here today, as i would have “got away” once again. self-reliance doomed me to fail and pride, ego and arrogance completed the task. so here i sit a few thousand days later looking back at my process to arrive where i am.
there was not all that much surrender in those eighteen months or so between my clean date and my transition into becoming a member. sure i surrendered to my legal masters, grudgingly, as i was far from enamored of the next consequence, but i really was not willing to surrender to the fact that i was an addict or surrender my will and my life into the care of my first sponsor's version of a HIGHER POWER. it was only after i saw that addiction had me trapped in a horror hose of mirrors and tired of running through a rigged maze, that i finally took the first step and started surrendering, haltingly, to the program of recovery that has become my life.
i still balk when i hear the term surrender. it takes a bit of semantics for me to move forward. i just remember the definition i prefer, to cease fighting. as i have repeated my surrender to the facts that i am an addict and powerless over addiction, for some days in a row, i certainly accept those facts, as the truth today. regardless of how fluid and relative the truth may or may not be, that truth is one i no longer question. accepting that addiction affects my decision-making and thought processes, so i appear far from sane, was a bit tougher for me, but in the long run, there was enough evidence of that being true, that i can come to that conclusion on a daily basis as well.so that leaves me at the decision point, what the fVck do i want to do now? the THIRD STEP which is what i really heard this morning, is where the rubber meets the road to use a tired and trite cliché. i can sit and whine about how unfair it all is, or i can surrender my will and my life into the care of the POWER that fuels my recovery, look for the opportunities to change and march through my day knowing that if i allow this process to work, i will get everything i need and maybe a few of the things i want as well. that is after all the promise of freedom from active addiction.

∞ DT ∞