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tells me that **changing the things i can** is a big part of what recovery is all about. for me, change is a very frightening experience and like many of my peers, i cling tightly to what i know and what is familiar, rather than allowing the process to happen. who knows what the result of change will be. i certainly do not, and it is that very thought that drives me NEED to cling to what i know. of course, if i stop for a moment and think about this concept, rationally and calmly, i can see that what i have been transformed into, as a result of the change manifest in my application of the program, i would welcome change and embrace it. i have come a long way from the man who walked into the rooms eleven years ago, and that journey has been a process of transformation into the sort of man, i have always wanted to be; self-confident, self-assured, well-liked, respected and capable of giving and receiving love.
so as i continue on that path, change is without a doubt going to occur, the real question is why i am so resistant to that process. the pat answer is because i am an addict and the changes being made are removing further and further from the desire to use. that is a simple and inelegant answer and i do believe that i will leave it at that for now. why i am resistant to change is really quite unimportant. it is actually even less important than why i am an addict, i just need to accept those inconvenient truths as facts and move on in the knowledge that the wisdom i desire, is the wisdom to let go of my fear, surrender to the process that i am participating in, and become whomever or whatever i am going to become. it really is that simple, so off to get ahead on some work so i can get away next week without my computer.

∞ DT ∞