Blog entry for:

in recovery, helps to quiet my fear that change — any change — spells disaster. i am not at all, all about change, in fact, as i implied in my seed, this morning, change is something i have aspired to avoid most of my adult life. hence, when i arrived at recovery i was a 15 year old in the body of a 40 year old man. of course, as the old bromide goes, “all i had to do is change everything, one day at a time!”
when it comes down to it, avoiding change is certainly as frustrating as trying to hold my breath until i die. it is true, that i will turn red, than blue and pass-out, but after i p[ass out my body takes over again and i will start to breathe. so why bother, especially, as i have learned from my own experience, that when i come to again, i will have on killer headache.
change is similar, at least it has been in my recovery experience. that first time i resisted the craving to use a chemical fix, to an emotional upset, kicked off a process, that is ongoing today. when i resist the change inherent in the recovery process, i no longer have the freedom to dull my sensitivity to it, with a little bit of something from my bag of tricks. well i do have the freedom to make that choice, seriously, i am not one of those who spouts off about how using is not an option for me, i am certainly more realistic than that, for me, using is not an option i choose to exercise today. i will have to remember that, at my little speaking engagement up in FT Collins this weekend.
basically, as long as i am working a program, and doing so actively, change will happen, there is no ifs, and or buts about that. so my choice is to accept that i am changing and foster that growth, or sit and whine about it, and resist the process with all my might. back to holding my breath, as it were. one of the things i am not changing today, is where i get my paycheck from, so with that in mind, it is time to hit the dusty trail and join the crowded drive over to Boulder, at least i will have a tasty gar to help make the drive a bit more palatable. yes it is even a good day to change the things that i can.

∞ DT ∞