Blog entry for:

around the world, one addict at a time. i have to admit that i needed to add a verb to this headline from my source material, as it made little sense out of the context of the greater work, without it. be that as it may, i understand what the reading was talking about and it goes to the phrase: “an addict, any addict…” when referring to who is eligible for recovery and welcomed to pursue it. i am not saying that other “A” fellowships are not as inclusive as the one that has led me to where i am today, but i can say that i found those others lacking in what i was looking for, identification and solidarity, with my peers. when i welcome another addict to my home group, even if they are not ready to commit to this way of life, i do so without reservations or strings attached. i often wonder where i might be, if i had decided to “white knuckle” my recovery in that other “A.” i know i felt judged, marginalized and misunderstood, every time i shared about what was really going on in my head and my heart. when i shared the bumpers stickers, slogans and tracts from their large piece of literature, i was lauded and praised. when i was finally ready to start a journey in recovery, i knew i could not survive on “bumper sticker” recovery and left that fellowship in the dust. today, i have lots of HOPE and no regrets for making that choice.
moving into a bit of HOPE in the here and now, i know that today, because i have made a decision to stay clean and live a program of recovery, i have the opportunity to be a part of something greater than myself. i know that i could be spinning with social anxiety and living in isolation, one step out of the county jail, if i had chosen to return to the “life” when given the opportunity to do so. i have at least one addict in my life that is in that exact same spot and he chooses to use, rather than feel. i often say that i did not use to change my feelings, and that is quite true. i loved the feeling i got when i was high and using on a regular basis, shaved off the highs and lows of being a human being. life on an even keel was always my goal and ironically that is what i have achieved in my recovery journey, that does not mean i lack passion or extreme moods and feelings, it just means i live through them and move on. the HOPE i offer my peers is that someone, such as myself, who was forced to stop using, long before he was ready to, can get clean, stay clean and find a new manner of living, just for today.

∞ DT ∞