Blog entry for:

resistance is futile, you will be assimilated! yes, resistance to change, is futile in my world-view, especially if i practice a program of active recovery and remain a member of the No Matter What Club. the question than becomes, what do i have to lose, save FEAR itself?
yes, most of the resistance i feel to change is a product of FEAR. what will i be like? what will my world look like? how can i see the future of what this or that change will bring? those questions are endless and once i allow myself to go down that path, it usually take a good spiritual slap beside my head, to get me to move forward.
i have said before that, i am not one of those who instantly accepts on FAITH, that this will work. it took nearly eighteen months before i started to see any evidence that this recovery program would work for me, and it was only after i finally got tired of resisting the change that i saw as inevitable. i guess, as it was for me, sometimes exhaustion is a good substitute for courage, at least from time to time.
the reading this morning took me to a place of considering how i can provide better guidance for the men who rely on my to help guide them through their recovery process. i really do not think that i am a beacon of hope, but i also do not think that i am a recovery bum. i know that i can be at times,judgmental and certainly cold, hard and unyielding, and i have a sponsee who has stopped short twice of completing an assignment. i am trying to feel what will be best for him without trying to say it is okay to quit. i have some time to let it go, and i already asked him if maybe he was afraid of something, perhaps success. those were rhetorical questions, which he took literally, so it will be interesting what he has to say, later this afternoon.
the question than falls to me: what change am i resisting today, due to FEAR? saying i have no FEAR, would be less than accurate, as FEAR is part of my normal condition, at least son some level. sometimes it is quiet and fade sin the emotional white-noise that i experience as a human being, other times it is so screaming loud, that is drowns out all others with its infernal dissonance. today, it certainly is operating in the background, as i have not seen a whole lot of changin' going on right now. i am in one of those quiet phases in my recovery, where i am certain that change is occurring, but it is below my ability to consciously detect it. certainly a symptom of that subliminal change is that i have yet to auto-magically jump to a conclusion of how to guide my sponsee after his little slip.
anyhow i have been at this for quite some time and i need to let it go, make a few changes on one of the websites i work on and enjoy this nice late summer weather! it is a great day to be courageous and invite change into my life.

∞ DT ∞