Blog entry for:

what i am doing may not be working, but at least i am familiar with it. and although it may have been said more than once about a totally unrelated matter, familiarity breeds contempt, it applies to me when i think about the things i desire to change the most but fear the consequences. this is so totally about fearing the unknown consequences of allowing change to occur or even, GASP, facilitating change. YARGH! just thinking about allowing change, gives me some severe willies and i am not talking about wet ones!
anyhow, now that i have that piece of non-news down in the semi-permanent record of my recent recovery i can move on to what i am really thinking this morning.
and the way the train of thought that left the station this morning seems to be heading is a quick glance over what change has meant for me across the course of my short recovery. it has meant that i no longer need to smoke cigarettes, it has meant that i can learn how to allow someone and allow someone to love me. it has meant that i do not have to always alter the way i feel. i can simply feel whatever happens to be going on and remember that this too shall pass. it has meant that i can help ease the passing of a friend, being their in his final days to let him know he is not alone. it has meant that i can be of service, that the service i have done has made the world a better place, regardless of my motives at the time. it has meant that i can accept that i do not and can not know everything about everyone and everything. and it has meant that i can grow dependent on the strength of a POWER GREATER THAN ME! all of this is stuff i never expected to change, i just figured it was who i was and it would be that way until i died. i did not even think that i needed to change, after all things were working well for me! or were they? the impetus of all this change is my stroll along the path of recovery. that journey has not been easy or painless, but in the long run i have always been pleased with the outcome.
so does this pensive moment mean that i will surrender to change and ask THE POWER THAT KEEPS ME CLEAN AND PROVIDES FOR ALL MY NEEDS for thew courage to allow it to happen? well i am not recovered yet!

∞ DT ∞