Blog entry for:

into the unknown take more than a modicum of courage. i know, from my experience, that change is inevitable, even if i am doing nothing to foster it. when i CHOOSE to have a bit of courage and change what i have the ability to change, there still is that FEAR of not knowing what i will look like on the other side. that has been with me, for what seems forever, always avoiding change like the plague, as if i really could ever control it. the nice part about all that avoidance, was things changed by default. that meant it was NEVER my fault if they did not work out and i could ALWAYS take credit when they did.
today, i may still have an issue or three dealing with change, but for the most part, i foster change in my life, rather than waiting for it to just “happen.” there are of course many, many exceptions to that notion, but when i get scared, such as when i had my run in with melanoma, i may have considered using, or buying a pack of cigarettes to quell the fear of life with cancer, but instead i chose to stay clean and not return to life of smoking every hour or so. the change fostered by facing cancer and the feelings around being diagnosed with a sometimes deadly and oftentimes highly curable form of cancer, has made me see that my life on this side of the lawn is fleeting at best and IF i want to get more out of it, i will need to put more into it. climbing to the top of Africa was a very good start. getting my leg healed up enough to run, is another step in the correct direction, as i have less than seven months before my next 10K race and many Fourteeners left to climb.
what do i need the courage to change today? well i might want to work for a different employer, in an industry that is not slowly wasting away on the vine and treats its employees better. i might want to look for a new sponse and start my next round of twelve steps. i might want to take up a Code Academy offer of 50% off and sharpen my coding skills. OR i just might have the desire to sit still for a minute and allow myself to finish processing all that came through my life over the twenty-seventh year of my recovery. just for today, i think sitting still is the best course of action. 😌

∞ DT ∞