Blog entry for:

...when they have given something, no matter how small, to another person. so i sit here this morning, waiting for my breakfast to settle, so i can go out into this frigid morning and burn off the calories i consumed yesterday. as i sit, waiting for my body to be ready to move into my day, i am thinking about how kindness affected my life throughout my journey from cradle to grave. the real truth is that i would not be sitting here this morning, musing about such things, waiting for digestion to move forward, if it had not been for the kindness of those strangers in that oh so foreign room, way back when i was ready to recover. needless to say without those members and especially without the men who have been kind enough to sponsor this nut case, i would have been lost on the shoals of active addiction, taking whatever i could, from whomever crossed my path, for as long as possible.
now i know the reading is really about how i can change the world today. what i am hearing in those quiet moments when another voi9ce can actually say something, is that the greatest act of kindness i can perform for the world today is to be whole, genuine and self-aware, in the here and now. that has been the lesson, i am feeling as i complete this ninth step. that is what i have been hearing probably since, i started this particular cycle of steps. and that is what i will probably be hearing when i get up tomorrow morning. be that as it may, the kindness that comes from living in that particular paradigm, is expressed not only to myself, but flows outward from me, to touch everyone with whom i interact. yes my life has been altered lately, what i thought i knew has been replaced with what i felt in some instances, and the wall of denial, about where i fit in the world has been shattered. the rationalizations and justifications for holding on to something that never was, nor ever could be have dropped away, and this morning i am willing to accept, that there are people in my life who are incapable of forming and maintaining relationships based on mutual respect and equality. the sad part of this, is that i was the one who allowed those relationships to form and be maintained in all their sick inequality across the years. the act of kindness i am giving the world today, is forgiving myself for being so clueless and needy, and as that comes to pass, i am certain i will be able to be that much more kind to those who happen to cross my path today.
so anyhow, breakfast has almost settled and i am almost ready to go out and face this cold brave new world, to see if i too, can be as kind to myself, as i wish to be to others. you know face the world as an equal and not a subordinate. something new and different for this addict.

∞ DT ∞