Blog entry for:

others have freely shared with me what was freely shared with them. i have a sponsee, who insists he has nothing at all to share with others. he believes at time that he is full of bull$hit, and that what he does happen to say is worthless and judged to be less than by everyone within earshot. although i do not get to this extreme, i can understand where he is coming from and what the engine that drives that sort of belief structure is, but this morning, the reading was about me giving back what i have been given.
one of the things that i have been given, is a deflation of egotism and conceit, as my self-esteem and self-worth has been rebuilt. i know it sounds kind of funny, but for me, today, that feels like one of my most valuable gifts. the example i started this reading with, is very applicable here. the program teaches us, over and over again that we need to get out of self, and if one is already suffering from low self-respect, like i do from time to time, than in the long run, this ego deflation process can and has been a very painful process. so what the men who have sponsored me have given me, is a manner of living where as i learn about who i truly am, i can replace the need to feed, stoke, and stroke my ego, at the expense of others or by pandering to the lowest common denominator, and become comfortable with who i am at this time. this gift is one of those i try to give to the men i sponsor, so they too, can learn what humility is, as they progress through the process of recovery. the irony of this is, is that i see all around me the same symptoms in others, that are unchecked and unabated, and the worst part is that they have no clue about what they are doing. i have offered the gift of my insight, such as it is, and most of the time it is rejected out of hand, and this morning i see, that i can give all that i want to, but if they are not receiving it is pointless. does that m3ean, that i stop trying to freely give away, that which has been given to me? not by a long shot! what it does mean., is that i come to accept that although i have many gifts to offer, they will only be accepted by those who are ready to change. it is on them and not on me, and i am not less than because my gift was refused.
so back to the top of the page. when my sponsee gets into one of those funks, i not so gently remind him, that he has some clean time, he has some success in his personal life, and that his worth is greater than he can ever imagine, all he has to do is accept that as fact and move on.
and i do believe it is time for me to move on, this clear and frigid morning.

∞ DT ∞