Blog entry for:

of recovery is not easy. my source material says specifically that it takes great courage and perseverance. i can say that in my experience, after getting some clean time and working a daily program of active recovery certainly eases the process, when i need to return to actively working the steps.
yesterday, i gave myself a deadline (🤮) to meet with my sponse and go over what i have written on my FIRST STEP, which at the time was not one word. now that i have a great start on it, perhaps even have it done, considering what makes my life unmanageable this morning, is not quite the same thing as yesterday. putting pen to paper does that for me. do not get me wrong, i still have the exact same shit working against that i had yesterday, that has yet to be removed from me. what has been removed from me, is why i was feeling the way i am and why i was behaving in such a manner. knowledge of what is going on, is certainly a foil against reacting and today, as i watch football and attempt to win another fantasy football game, i want to be able to have a good time, take the shit i am flipped and not have to retaliate.
what really sucks, is the wind this morning and my less than stellar handling of my fitness tracker. my plan was to run 8 klicks, and i barely got 2 in, before i surrendered to the fact that the wind was just too much to compete against. i also messed up starting the timer on my fitness tracker so i “lost” a klick and a half of distance. the good news, is that i got four miles of activity in, the bad news is that i had to walk some of it. yesterday, i would have been livid and all sorts of abusive to myself, after all, it was my mistake to make that plan and not to check if my tracker was ready to roll. today, i accept my humanity and the fact that i am powerless over the wind and weather in general. if i was a “GOD” kind of guy, i could say that perhaps my HIGHER POWER was giving me a sign that i need to take it a bit easier. instead i look at it as being just what it is, reality and life on its own terms, which often does not fit my plans. i will go on. it is time however, to get over to my afternoon hangout for a cigar or two and an afternoon of football.

∞ DT ∞