Blog entry for:

what i have been given in recovery is certainly an ideal i strive for on a daily basis. i do not need to wrap my actions up in the false flag arguments of carrying a message nor to hide my true motives under the blanket of asking for forgiveness rather than permission. i live in the wide open and choose to share in a similar manner, straight forward and without subterfuge these days. that little less than savory bit is based on a memory of events that happened a year ago and without a doubt will color my impressions of all the ring-leaders until they show some real courage and own up to what they did, instead of prancing around whining about how they got their itsy-bitsy feelings hurt, when those who did have the power to put them in their place did so with extreme prejudice.
the reading this morning did not necessarily take me back to those days, but it did remind me that when i CHOOSE to be less than giving and hide that fact under a heavy layer of spiritual camouflage with terms such as “taking care of myself,” i am actually living a lie and one that is easily defeated, by the application of a few spiritual principles, the first being honesty. it is true that there are times when i do not want to drive for a half an hour to give away what i have and stay home and watch football. there are other times when i deem this guy or that is just unreachable, so why bother. more often than not, when it looks as if i can get away with not doing something, i am strongly swayed to do just that. those are the times that try my soul and the place where i have to remember those souls that were present for me, long before i was ready to be present for myself. i also hearken back to some of the dark time i have had, where there were more than one my peers that had my back.
today, i will either have the opportunity to give back or not, that is out of my control. what is in my power is choosing to look for and avail myself to those opportunities, as this day wears on. as i have a meeting in a little over an hour, it is time for me to get out and about in dawn's early light and get some miles under my belt. walking forward i will attempt to be present for what crosses my path and choose wisely and in a spiritual manner. i need not call myself out for any extra attention, as i am more than sufficient to present myself, just as i am, just for today.

∞ DT ∞