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is certainly something i very rarely think about. i have been clean for long enough that i often take the spiritual gifts i have been given, for granted. day after day, as i do this recovery just for today, i forget what it was like to be consumed by the **jones** to get high and take the edge off. i forget what it was like to dread getting up to a world i did not understand and choose to forgo doing anything to make me care less about what happened outside of the six feet around me. i forget that the emotional roller-coaster that plagued my early recovery. most of all, i forget the shame and remorse that i felt every single day, as i told myself that i was worthless and that i was defined by what i did and not who i was. all of that and much, much more were never aspects of my life that i considered needed to be repaired through a spiritual path. those “repairs” were not anything i considered to be “spiritual gifts” as i did not think i could ever come to a place where they are part of my every day life and yet, here i sit.
as i sat this morning, what kept popping off the top of the stack is coming to learn how to give and receive love. i certainly did not believe i was incapable of doing that, way back when. looking at that today, however, i now know that whatever capacity i did have, was a minute fraction of what i have now. that is a gift of recovery and certainly one of the most valuable pieces of my “spiritual wealth” today. where once i believed i was “too broken” to love or even worse believed i was unlovable or unloving, i can see that for the lie addiction repeated often enough to take on the patina of truth.
moving on, as i am quite distracted by what i have to do and what i want to do, i will say that i am willing to give all of that away, to anyone who asks. it is a good day to be clean and perhaps, as this day goes on i will find the time to savor what i have and reach for more. after all, it is always about getting MORE! 🤣

∞ DT ∞