Blog entry for:

i need not despair, for i know that the care of a HIGHER POWER will carry me through when i cannot walk on my own. alright, so my life may not seem in that much turmoil, after all, i have not missed any bills, my car is still running, i still have the desire to take care of myself, and today i choose to do whatever it takes to stay clean. all in all, not a bad little gratitude inventory at six forty-five in the AM. but these days i have trouble seeing the forest for all the trees. i have a vacation coming up, one of my clients is going through a very slow tango of death of his business, and as a result, i am actually WORRIED about finding enough new business to replace that gig. so what is this addict to do? well for one, take a deep breath and relax. number two, recommit to my THIRD STEP decision and allow myself to place my entire will and my life in into the care of the POWER THAT KEEPS ME CLEAN. and third, live in FAITH, that there is a way out for me, it will be presented when the time is right, all i have to do, is keep working, be present for what is going on in my life and stay clean.
the trick in this surrender is maintaining it. i was working with a sponsee yesterday, and yes he is on the THIRD STEP, and our conversation, one-sided as it was, centered on how to implement this decision. i told him, to keep doing what he was doing and allow himself to feel the correct manner for him, to live secure in the FAITH that there are things going on beyond his ken. so this morning, i too, need to heed my own words and live in the FAITH, that what is owed to me, will appear in the mailbox, where to go forward in my career will be revealed. and most importantly of all, what i NEED to have to stay clean today, will be made available. WORRY will not make any of this go away, nor will it help me to concentrate on what needs to be done, which will help make the issues behind my anxiety go away.
so off to the streets to disappear into the oblivion of physical exercise, and to see if i can come back and be whole and genuine in my belief that i will be taken care of, if i allow it to happen. yes that is the key -- allowing it to happen and on that hopeful note i will sign-off until tomorrow.

∞ DT ∞