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that can go wrong, may go wrong, is not one of the mantras i live by today. that does not mean i walk around with my head in the clouds, expecting the world to meet my every expectation and desire, i have lived too long to have that sort of outlook. what that means, at least to me, is that i make the effort to pay attention to what is going on around me, grasp what opportunities i am awake enough to see and allow what is going to happen, to happen. i am not a believer in fate, or some invisible hand controlling my life, but that does not mean i lack FAITH that there is a POWER fueling my recovery. i do not speak of miracles or look for “signs” from GOD, i just take my cues from what transpires in the here and now of each day. that sort of thinking may sound reactive, and perhaps it is, i see it as being responsive.
many of my peers, do not ascribe to that sort of outlook on life, i know i was loathe to see it in that manner. part of me, wants to return to those simpler days, when i could accept on some level that there was a “guiding hand” in my life and my job was to look for the evidence, to bolster my FAITH. spiritually, even if that path did not fit who i was, it was a whole lot more comforting and it gave me the opportunity to let go of part of the responsibility for living my life. by being true to myself and finding the path that fits, one that lacks mystery, miracles, pageantry and rituals, i am freed to seek the answers i crave, rather than having them spoon-fed to me. for the first time in my life, i have a deep and personal connection with a HIGHER POWER and even if i cannot describe or picture IT, i can feel the presence of that POWER in my waking daily life.
when i got clean, that last thing i wanted to do, was to take any responsibility for anything and certainly not my life. when i worked the THIRD STEP in this fellowship, i was relieved to abdicate all my responsibility by surrendering my will and my life into the care of a HIGHER POWER. now i had something to shift the blame and the burden off myself. today, i know that is not what STEP THREE is all about and my nostalgic recall of that delusional freedom, still tempts me to return to that sort of “magical” thinking. when i start to trip down that particular garden path, i have to remember the hard-won victory i have achieved of finding a spiritual path that empowers me to take responsibility for how i live my life today and the freedom of choice that springs from that personal power. today, just for today, i am clean and i acknowledge the gift comes from a POWER greater than myself. today, just for today, i have choices and the freedom to decide for myself, what path my actions will take. today, just for today, i live a spiritual path that allows that POWER to carry me, when i cannot care for myself. today, just for today, i can be okay in not knowing and walk through this day, clean.

∞ DT ∞