Blog entry for:

FAITH in the ability to move forward against all odds, is certainly a tricky proposition for me. i knew that there were reading like these coming down the pike, as i completed my 11TH step. and i am as certain today as i was back then, that i am on a path to spirituality that is the correct one for me. and then i run smack dab into a pure FAITH sort of reading and begin to doubt, and think that maybe i need to move back in with my peers, for about a second, then it comes to me, nothing really has changed.
what about FAITH? for me, my spiritual beliefs leads to a different conclusion, as the nature of the POWER that fuels my recovery is a bit different than that of my peers. i KNOW, that if i persevere, i will get everything i need to stay clean today. i believe that part of the gift of everything i need to stay clean, is the strength to get through whatever is creating the chaos in my life. relationships, jobs, material things are all nice but none of them are necessary to stay clean. what i need to stay clean today, regardless of what may or may not be happening, is the FAITH to walk through all of that, nothing more and certainly nothing less. when i look to the gifts i have been given, especially during the early part of my recovery, when i was doing my best to disqualify and separate myself, i uncover a strength of will, that could not have possibly come form me, after all, i am an addict and my natural state is to getting high. i do not believe i am sent “tests” of FAITH or times of trial, by some malevolent or even benevolent power. i believe that life just happens and some of the events that occur, may not be to my liking. that is just the way it is. my whole time of tribulation with Comcast and their corporate policies, is not a “sign form on high,” it is just a crossroads where i need to decide whether or not i can accept their policies and realities, or if i need to move on. it is a choice not a dictate.oh i have screamed and whined about the unfairness of it all and wondered if corporate America really cares about its consumers, and in the end, the policies of this corporation will not end well, as more and more people like me, see that what the “may” require to keep their single service is not something they desire to pay for anymore.
not really a good example when i have friends, peers and acquaintances that are dealing with some very serious issues in their lives. the HOPE i see,l is that they are staying clean, and if they believe they are being “carried” by GOD or their version of a HIGHER POWER, than i am grateful they have found in FAITH the power to stay clean and be at peace that they will be cared for.
i find it interesting that with a slight semantic shift, i can offer them the HOPE of the FAITH i have. i know that i will get the opportunity to get everything i NEED today, if i am present, awake and willing to accept that into my life. for me, that is evidence of “being cared for,” so it easy to me to be on the same page as my peers, even though the POWER that fuels my recovery does not possess eyes, ears or a mouth. in fact that POWER possesses no human defined attributes and yes somehow the opportunity arises, each and every day, for me to make the decision to do something that leads to me getting what i need. i may not look at myself being carried, but i do see myself getting the gifts i need, from an unknowable and certainly undefinable POWER that is greater than myself, including addiction. perhaps it is because i did not fall back on religion that i have received the power to stay clean, day after day. certainly that power does not inherently reside in me,. else i would have never made it to this point in my life. i do have free will and self-determination, and i believe that the suffering and the joy i feel, are real manifestations of the world around me. i am not worried about what will happen when i shuffle off this mortal coil, as if i live my life to the best of my ability today, i will have no regrets when that event happens. that is what it is for me, and doing the next right thing, is what i am about most days. some days, it is just not doing the next wrong thing and i have the gift of discernment today, that allows me to make those choices, thanks to the program of recovery i have been given and my FAITH in the POWER that fuels my recovery.

∞ DT ∞