ยณ when i am unwilling to forgive ยณ
Posted: Mon, Sep 7, 2009 07:41:27 AM
it helps to remember that i, too, may someday require the forgiveness of another person. as i sit here, extremely early on this fine labor day, i am of more than a single mind about how to go with this particular reading. part of me wants to run with the whole resentments as poison theme, and speak as to how they weigh me down and hinder my spiritual growth. that theme, while quite true and without a doubt worth my time but i feel that living in the negative is not where i want to be this morning. this is a fact, one that i do not dispute, so unless i need to use this theme somewhere down the line, i think i leave it alone for now.
the other no-brainer theme, is learning to develop an attitude of forgiveness. that one while part of the lighter positive look at my journey of recovery, is also one that i think i will leave on the table for now.
so clearing away the obvious, i am left with what may have been truly spoken to me this morning -- namely the theme of empathy as a tool of letting go of my resentments and the means to develop an attitude of forgiveness.
what i mean by that, is to develop my spirit of forgiveness, by remembering that i will also need to be forgiven for my transgressions across the course of any given day in my life. i do not go out of my way to hurt anyone these days, and even in active addiction, i often tried to choose a course that inflicted the least pain. that is of course a big fat rationalization, oops i mean lie, that i used to make myself feel better about doing what i did. today, i often find myself falling into that same trap, hurting then rationalizing. when i remember that, it becomes easier to put myself into he place of the person that i have developed a resentment towards. i know that the path of recovery leads to moire and more of me hurting others less and less, but it also leads up a path, where i become capable of forgiving, capable of letting go of resentments, and capable of talking about what it is that is upsetting me. this step cycle has been teaching me that i am worth being respected and cherished by myself most importantly and buy others. the only thing a resentment does is hurt me, and i am worth more than being an object upon which i inflict pain. the reality of the situation boils down to the human condition. my wants and needs will never exactly match what i can get from the life, and as a result, i am going to take what i think i need, regardless of who it hurts. as a result i am going to need to be forgiven, first by myself for being human and doing the selfish, self-centered thing. then by the person who i hurt in that process. i am worth forgiving myself and a consequence of this thought is so is everyone else. my freedom to grow is incumbent on how well i allow this healing process to proceed.
so it goes, to purify my body from the poison of resentments i need to develop a manner of living that allows me to be forgiving. empathy is the path to that sate and one i will do my best to practice today. so it is off to the streets and into this nice cool morning to get myself right with my physical self.
the other no-brainer theme, is learning to develop an attitude of forgiveness. that one while part of the lighter positive look at my journey of recovery, is also one that i think i will leave on the table for now.
so clearing away the obvious, i am left with what may have been truly spoken to me this morning -- namely the theme of empathy as a tool of letting go of my resentments and the means to develop an attitude of forgiveness.
what i mean by that, is to develop my spirit of forgiveness, by remembering that i will also need to be forgiven for my transgressions across the course of any given day in my life. i do not go out of my way to hurt anyone these days, and even in active addiction, i often tried to choose a course that inflicted the least pain. that is of course a big fat rationalization, oops i mean lie, that i used to make myself feel better about doing what i did. today, i often find myself falling into that same trap, hurting then rationalizing. when i remember that, it becomes easier to put myself into he place of the person that i have developed a resentment towards. i know that the path of recovery leads to moire and more of me hurting others less and less, but it also leads up a path, where i become capable of forgiving, capable of letting go of resentments, and capable of talking about what it is that is upsetting me. this step cycle has been teaching me that i am worth being respected and cherished by myself most importantly and buy others. the only thing a resentment does is hurt me, and i am worth more than being an object upon which i inflict pain. the reality of the situation boils down to the human condition. my wants and needs will never exactly match what i can get from the life, and as a result, i am going to take what i think i need, regardless of who it hurts. as a result i am going to need to be forgiven, first by myself for being human and doing the selfish, self-centered thing. then by the person who i hurt in that process. i am worth forgiving myself and a consequence of this thought is so is everyone else. my freedom to grow is incumbent on how well i allow this healing process to proceed.
so it goes, to purify my body from the poison of resentments i need to develop a manner of living that allows me to be forgiving. empathy is the path to that sate and one i will do my best to practice today. so it is off to the streets and into this nice cool morning to get myself right with my physical self.
∞ DT ∞