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and the process of healing, is certainly something i have to consider on a daily basis. i may not have any power over how long the process takes or how it progresses, but i DO have the power to foster that process. i am not by nature a patient person, in fact, if one were to ask, i would say that my desire for immediate gratification and instantaneous results has barely subsided in the minute since i started my recovery journey. my choice of career reflects that reality, as i know in an the next instant whether or not the code i just pounded out, actually works. living life as a recovering addict, in a world that i barely understand, allowing myself the freedom to heal from the rigors of active addiction, without a doubt, seems to require a Buddha-like patience.
above i alluded to the fact that i live in a world that does not understand what it means to be an addict. my friend, who i cut off two days ago, reached out to me yesterday evening and complained about their inability to understand what people do. their admission got me thinking and of course they hung up, long before i could express my opinion, but as i was driving home last night, it came to me that the world i live in and the world they reside in, are quite different, even though they overlap the same physical space. i have lived in the alternate world, the world of active addiction, self-obsession, over-entitlement and paranoiac fear of persecution, because i am an addict. my friend has often said that they believe that they are a victim because of their addiction and the odds are stacked against them, and at one time i believed that exact same truism. it was not until after i got clean and worked a step of twelve that i discovered that it was me and my attitudes and behaviors that were rigging the game against me. as long as i did nothing to figure out how the “real” world worked i was doomed to live life as a victim of circumstances beyond my control. the steps and the healing process that they foster may not have made me a better fit to live in the world, but they certainly pared this round peg down enough to fit in the square hole that is the world around me.
the healing that has come about in my life, is the result of learning to live a program of active recovery. these days i have a measure of serenity, because i sit and listen every morning. these days i sleep well and fall asleep quickly, most of the time, because i toss the burden of the day, in the bit bucket created by a daily inventory. when i get frustrated, i walk away and choose to come back, when i can take a different tack and i have discovered a fact that everyone else seems to know, that if i am calm and courteous when i am requesting to have something corrected, i get much better results, even when i am seething with anger. it is difficult to remember that reaching a place in my physical health where i could even consider climbing Mount Kilimanjaro did not happen overnight and i had to patiently and diligently work at getting more fit. why i might think that recovery would be any different, is more than a bit ironic. 😂 where my friend will land today is still yet to be determined. i have a feeling they may have walked out of the hospital when no one was looking and is now in hiding. more will certainly be revealed as this day progresses and the only healing process i need to concern myself with today, is mine! JUST FOR TODAY!

∞ DT ∞