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is fraught with peril and this addict is still learning how to be less socially retarded. so i get butt-hurt over some of the tiniest slights and my humor is often mistaken for criticism or judgement. my mantra for the longest time was: it is better to give a resentment than to receive one. of course, that led to all sorts of corrective actions after working my daily 10TH STEP, but over time, i am learning that IF i do not wish to admit i am wrong, THEN i need to consider my actions and motives before carrying them out.
ah, but i digress. looking at my part in the resentments that i have the opportunity to create is also part of my personal inventory. it really is the tiniest of slights that trip my trigger and one of the behaviors i adapted in early recovery was to swallow my anger, because anger is a “negative” emotion. in active addiction swallowing my anger was a coping mechanism, as i could always use it, when i had stored up enough slights against someone, to really let them “have it.” i did not know then that those were resentments, as that term was not part of my vocabulary. when i got clean, i “heard” about emotions and what i carried in was this whole classification system of good and evil feelings. pitching that system into the bit bucket has made me a more balanced person and for the most part, the stuff i get butt-hurt by, is really not worth the effort to carry with me. i can forgive, but i can also remember, so i do not get fooled again, expecting someone to be anything but human.
just for today, i am grateful that i do not have any resentments that i have recently formed to deal with, as those that comprise my 4TH STEP are kicking my ass.

∞ DT ∞