Blog entry for:

if i truly believe that i am powerless over my addiction, i will not choose to be around drugs. well, i am way late writing this morning. i had the intention of writing right after my shower and where that went i did not know. perhaps it is avoidance as the FIRST STEP is where i am, perhaps it is a symptom of getting older, or most likely it is a symptom of nothing at all.
so here is sit now refocusing my day and doing my daily mind dump…
so am i living a FIRST STEP? an excellent question. i do not as a rule hang out in bars or go where i know for a fact others will be using. i do my best to keep myself focused on my program of recovery every day. i have absolutely no conscious reservations that i am an addict, even though from time to time doubt creeps in. when that doubt arises, i seem to get a GOD shot to remind me of who and what i am. even so, maybe there is more that i can do in my life to cement the relationship with myself, my whole self, the addict as well as the partner, the business man, the sponsor, the recovering person and all the other roles that are part of me.
first and foremost, has to be surrendering and conceding to my innermost self, that baring some kind of transformation i am without a doubt an addict through and through. while that was difficult for me in active addiction and in my early recovery, these days, it seems a no-brainer and i get complacent. not in my program, but in the whole surrendering and conceding gig.
with the thought in mind, the time has come to move forward into my day and get some stuff accomplished, i am after all, working for myself and if i choose not to work, i will not get paid. so into the code i go.

∞ DT ∞