โ just surrender and go on to Step Two -- BOOM -- i am done โ
Posted: Wed, Jan 29, 2014 07:41:51 AM
HOWEVER it is not quite that simple, Step One does require action!
ah, the crazy ideas left over from a recovery program that focuses on substances. yes that fellowship works for hundreds of thousand of people around the world. and yes, that fellowship was the incubator for the fellowship that provides me this new manner of living. wait for it, wait for it BUT, some of the ideas and notions that work there are downright dangerous and deadly when imported over here. this notion that the FIRST STEP needs requires only a surrender and no action, is particularly dangerous. wrapped up in that notion is the one drink test, that if you cannot accept, try to have just one. when it comes to alcohol, that may not be a bad suggestion, however those of us who are addicted, that experiment may start a deadly slide into overdose, especially if we go back and try just one of our favorites, with one of our favorite delivery methods. i know for me, that just may be the last time i ever use, as what and how i used, did not have a huge margin of safety.
for me, this means that before i move on to STEP TWO, in a formal sense, i have to come to terms with what i am: an addict and what that means: i am POWERLESS over addiction. i NEED to come to that understanding without the just one more test and way back when, i finally did. i often speak of my first thirteen months when i was a member of that other fellowship, and thank GOD, my sponse at that time had the foresight to tell me, while i belonged there, i was different. like him, i had to abstain form ALL mind and mood altering substances, and make accommodations in the notion sand literature of that fellowship, if i had any hope of staying clean. i may have worked the steps through the process of that other fellowship, but i am grateful i did, because that action prepared me for the most startling and earth-shattering revelation i ever faced, I AM AN ADDICT! yes it took longer than those first thirteen months for that to finally get hammered home, but the day i finally got there, at convention in GREELEY, CO; was the day i started to see that i was treading on very thin ice in my recovery. i NEEDED something more, and that fellowship could not provide it, as it had NO EXPERIENCE in countering addiction.
today, well i have no illusions about what i am, and that fact is hammered home on a daily basis. every time i think that somehow i may have been “cured” i get another lesson in what it means to be an addict. for me, the shame has been lifted and when i share my recovery, i do not have to subsume my opinions in a collective “we̶, tell “you” what you need to do, or parrot clichés, slogans or bumper stickers. i am secure in being an addict and the FIRST STEP is part of my daily program of living. when it comes time, to once again, work it in a formal manner, i know that the action of that step, will kick my ass to the ground, stomp me into the dirt and break down the denial structure that i have so carefully erected over the years. knowing this, does not deter me from looking forward to my next step cycle, whenever that may come around. the action required in that step, on a daily basis, is to live my life, knowing full well that all that i think and feel, has already been run through the filter of the part of me that i call addiction and may or may not be an accurate reflection of the reality of the here and now.
BTW: when i hear “YOU” or “WE8221; during a share at the meeting, chances are i never hear what follows, as it reminds me of those old-timers way back when, that were just dying to give me advice, when they were clueless as to what being an addict fresh in recovery was all about. if i felt that way, back in those days, i am fairly certain that some of those who are walking into the rooms feel the same way, after all, as unique as i may be, i realty am not all that much different to my newest peers, i just have more experience with navigating the shoals of life as a recovering addict.
ah, the crazy ideas left over from a recovery program that focuses on substances. yes that fellowship works for hundreds of thousand of people around the world. and yes, that fellowship was the incubator for the fellowship that provides me this new manner of living. wait for it, wait for it BUT, some of the ideas and notions that work there are downright dangerous and deadly when imported over here. this notion that the FIRST STEP needs requires only a surrender and no action, is particularly dangerous. wrapped up in that notion is the one drink test, that if you cannot accept, try to have just one. when it comes to alcohol, that may not be a bad suggestion, however those of us who are addicted, that experiment may start a deadly slide into overdose, especially if we go back and try just one of our favorites, with one of our favorite delivery methods. i know for me, that just may be the last time i ever use, as what and how i used, did not have a huge margin of safety.
for me, this means that before i move on to STEP TWO, in a formal sense, i have to come to terms with what i am: an addict and what that means: i am POWERLESS over addiction. i NEED to come to that understanding without the just one more test and way back when, i finally did. i often speak of my first thirteen months when i was a member of that other fellowship, and thank GOD, my sponse at that time had the foresight to tell me, while i belonged there, i was different. like him, i had to abstain form ALL mind and mood altering substances, and make accommodations in the notion sand literature of that fellowship, if i had any hope of staying clean. i may have worked the steps through the process of that other fellowship, but i am grateful i did, because that action prepared me for the most startling and earth-shattering revelation i ever faced, I AM AN ADDICT! yes it took longer than those first thirteen months for that to finally get hammered home, but the day i finally got there, at convention in GREELEY, CO; was the day i started to see that i was treading on very thin ice in my recovery. i NEEDED something more, and that fellowship could not provide it, as it had NO EXPERIENCE in countering addiction.
today, well i have no illusions about what i am, and that fact is hammered home on a daily basis. every time i think that somehow i may have been “cured” i get another lesson in what it means to be an addict. for me, the shame has been lifted and when i share my recovery, i do not have to subsume my opinions in a collective “we̶, tell “you” what you need to do, or parrot clichés, slogans or bumper stickers. i am secure in being an addict and the FIRST STEP is part of my daily program of living. when it comes time, to once again, work it in a formal manner, i know that the action of that step, will kick my ass to the ground, stomp me into the dirt and break down the denial structure that i have so carefully erected over the years. knowing this, does not deter me from looking forward to my next step cycle, whenever that may come around. the action required in that step, on a daily basis, is to live my life, knowing full well that all that i think and feel, has already been run through the filter of the part of me that i call addiction and may or may not be an accurate reflection of the reality of the here and now.
BTW: when i hear “YOU” or “WE8221; during a share at the meeting, chances are i never hear what follows, as it reminds me of those old-timers way back when, that were just dying to give me advice, when they were clueless as to what being an addict fresh in recovery was all about. if i felt that way, back in those days, i am fairly certain that some of those who are walking into the rooms feel the same way, after all, as unique as i may be, i realty am not all that much different to my newest peers, i just have more experience with navigating the shoals of life as a recovering addict.
∞ DT ∞