Blog entry for:

the radiance of the process dispels the darkness of my addiction. well today is the day when my self-imposed rest and healing cycle is over and i get to return to my work-out routine. physical fitness is not quite like spiritual fitness, in most regards. yes it is true, that both processes need a daily component to them, yes it is also true that i have to be present for what is going on inside of me and listen to what is being said to me from others. BUT, and it is a big one, the program of recovery, as i see it, does not allow for resting cycles to allow for healing, in fact, it has been my experience that resting in my recovery process leads this addict into a less spiritually fit state.
i could go on and on, extending this metaphor, but it really is not where i am at this morning. this morning i am more into what am i giving back, and why am i doing so. quite truthfully, i am ready to walk away from a service position and just say FVCK IT! i am tired of being told what to do, even when i am following the rules to the exact letter of the law. i am tired of some people jumping in at the last minute, clueless about what has been going on, and start to assert their supposed yet mythical power. worst of all, i am tired of them expressing their total ignorance as if it is an intelligent and informed opinion. i could cast motives on their behavior, but spewing about it is satisfaction enough, i will add this SO WHAT if, "I get daily emails form all the hotel chains for which I have rewards cards with incredible deals!!!;quot;
you are clueless as to the situation in the locality we are dealing in. if you want information, get off your high horse and ask, instead of making pronouncements from on high!
alright i know that was far from spiritual, an i may come to regret saying so, however i doubt the person to who i am referring will even get what i am saying, as i have found them more than a bit obtuse when it comes to interpersonal relationships. what that does for me, is make me examine whether or not i am guilty of the same behavior in my own relationships. do i bully those i serve with? do i jump into situations of which i have no prior knowledge and try to direct the process to my liking? am i guilty of browbeating and bullying pothers into submission? although i am certain that the answers to such questions would be entertaining in this forum, it is something i choose to withhold from writing about until after i frame it into my current step work assignment.
which brings me back to the topic at hand, being grateful for the gifts of recovery and giving them back by expressing my gratitude through service to the fellowship that so freely gave me this new life. i am grateful for this new life, and it is my intention to continue to do what i have signed up for, no matter how much bile i will need to choke back. like all of us, a bit of humility, and a bit of remembrance why i am serving will go a long way in soothing the hurts, imagined or real, that i happen to encounter along the way. i have already created a little sh!t storm of my own, so i will hit the streets with my dawg and see where this day takes me. i am grateful to be clean and it is a good day to be in recovery.

∞ DT ∞