Blog entry for:

of recovery, something i do not often give away, by sharing in this forum. more often than not, i am dropping into doom and gloom and coming up for air, by adding that, at least i have another day clean, just for today. the simple fact of the matter, is no matter what may seem to be happening in my life, i still stay clean and when i sit down at the end of the day and take a peek at how my day went, i see that most of the time i am doing way better than i care to admit.as i started out this day, this morning, what came upon me, was the notion, just maybe, i am too hard on myself and to step back and chill a little bit.
i have been doing all the right stuff, training, answering call and emails, getting out of bed at a very decent hour, showering, shaving and generally treating my job search as if it was a Monday through Friday full-time occupation. i am not allowing myself the opportunity to spin down intro despair, even though everyone seems to want me to talk about how it is going. the reality is, i have yet to get a job offer and that does not necessarily speak to how “good” or “bad” the job hunt is going. it just is the facts of my life, today.
because i have the ability to get up and get out of the house, i will be going out this afternoon to enjoy a bit of football in a smoke-filed room. because i came to recovery and stayed, i can allow myself the freedom to take a breath and a day and head up to Wyoming to celebrate a clean date anniversary with a friend. because i am clean, i can get up and do the next right thing for myself, whether that be, financially, physically, spiritually or emotionally. and i am only clean because i found a manner of living a life based in recovery. that life allows me to balance between the light and the dark and seek my center, even when everything feels as if it is spinning out of control, which seems to be the case of the rest of the world. just for today, i can go to the grocery store and grab a few things, finish my laundry and the dishes, read the news of the world and let my lack of employment, go for the next eighteen or so hours. Monday comes soon enough and i do not have to hurry this sundown.

∞ DT ∞