โ for the first time i can remember, i see a vision of my new life โ
Posted: Fri, Dec 3, 2010 08:53:56 AM
that vision does not include active addiction. as i allow my will, my true will for myself, to align itself with the will of the POWER that fuels my recovery, the vision i have for myself, morphs into something that is so much more than the endless days of active addiction. okay, i have done the yippy-skippy part, but what is the reality, once i look beyond the politically correct version of what i heard in my very brief quiet time this morning?
honestly, i am more than a little clueless about the direction my life is taking. it seems that almost daily, my situation changes, for the better and for the worse. the only constant seems to be the process of change, and even the pace of that change varies from day to day and minute to minute. all of this and more, confuses me, as it is hard for me to get a handles on what the vision i have for me life actually is. as i dive into this topic, i am coming to realize that this exercise in living and moving forward in FAITH, is part of the cause or my consternation. no not doing my best to let go and move in that direction. it is my willful stubbornness and FEAR of change that is holding me back and driving me to distraction. those two things NEED to replaced or at least reduced by my growing FAITH, and as one who has little FAITH, that only further fuels the FEAR. as you can see the cycle of FEAR feeding more FEAR, is what i NEED to have replaced by my ever growing FAITH. the vision i have for myself, includes living in FAITH, not that i ever believe i will be without FEAR in general or the FEAR of change specifically.
anyhow, as i have some miles to go this morning to see a sponsee, i think i will wrap this up with the vision i catch a glimpse of from time to time is so incredibly beyond my wildest dreams, that i can hardly believe that it will ever come to fruition.i can live in that disbelief, or even worse sabotage the progress that i am making towards realizing that vision, or i can allow this process, namely the STEPS and my current learning to let go exetcise, to make those changes necessary to realize that vision. i choose the latter and off to the showers i go.
honestly, i am more than a little clueless about the direction my life is taking. it seems that almost daily, my situation changes, for the better and for the worse. the only constant seems to be the process of change, and even the pace of that change varies from day to day and minute to minute. all of this and more, confuses me, as it is hard for me to get a handles on what the vision i have for me life actually is. as i dive into this topic, i am coming to realize that this exercise in living and moving forward in FAITH, is part of the cause or my consternation. no not doing my best to let go and move in that direction. it is my willful stubbornness and FEAR of change that is holding me back and driving me to distraction. those two things NEED to replaced or at least reduced by my growing FAITH, and as one who has little FAITH, that only further fuels the FEAR. as you can see the cycle of FEAR feeding more FEAR, is what i NEED to have replaced by my ever growing FAITH. the vision i have for myself, includes living in FAITH, not that i ever believe i will be without FEAR in general or the FEAR of change specifically.
anyhow, as i have some miles to go this morning to see a sponsee, i think i will wrap this up with the vision i catch a glimpse of from time to time is so incredibly beyond my wildest dreams, that i can hardly believe that it will ever come to fruition.i can live in that disbelief, or even worse sabotage the progress that i am making towards realizing that vision, or i can allow this process, namely the STEPS and my current learning to let go exetcise, to make those changes necessary to realize that vision. i choose the latter and off to the showers i go.
∞ DT ∞