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well now, certainly an interesting topic, from which i heard that i can allow myself to see my life as limitless as my notion of the POWER that fuels my recovery. IF i accept that, that POWER is without limits, than i may be able to accept that my vision for myself need not have any limits, either. there is however, a line in the literature that says, if it is NOT practical, it is not spiritual, so have i stumbled across a contradiction? maybe, let's see how much tap dancing i need to do to reconcile those two statements.
there certainly are tasks and events in my life that i am physically incapable of experiencing, due to my gender. no matter how infinite GOD&39;s power may be, i cannot get pregnant and carry a child to term. nor can i return my physical body to the condition it was in, when i was twenty years old. sure, i could work out, eat better and generally take better care of myself. i may end up in better physical condition, but, i will never have the body of a twenty year old again. so those physical constraints, no matter how hard i believe or pray, prevent me from achieving them. i am not saying that because there are limits to what i can physically do, or become, that there are limits on the POWER that fuels my recovery. in the physical and very literal sense the notion that my vision for myself is as limitless as GOD, is inherently flawed, but need not be discarded. after all, with the correct amount of training and dedication, more than likely i could learn to play the piano, golf or write a novel, so other than what i am physically constrained by my gender and my humanity, there really are no limits to what i might be able to do.
i could go on, picking and choosing very specific instances where the conflict arise, or get down to the where i feel i am today. what i can dream for myself, is only limited by me. in a very literal sense, IF i want to be more, than all i have to do, is do more and allow the POWER that fuels my recovery to guide me. i can be a self-deprecating whiny little prick, or i can learn to accept myself, warts and all, and walk forward into each day, living in the certainty that i am becoming the best version of my, that is possible today. i can look towards tomorrow, with the HOPE, that once again IF i choose to stay clean and live an active program of recovery, that this progression towards a better person, will continue. in this sense, there are no limits to what i can become, all i have to do, is allow myself to see that process and foster it.
so while i may not be able to bear a child, not practical, there is nothing stopping me from being a father, that is well within the visible part of the limitless life i now have the freedom to be living. on that note, i think i will sign-off, head on down south and remember that unless i believe in myself, it is doubtful that anyone else will, just for today.

∞ DT ∞