Blog entry for:

and a resentment or two. i am beginning to understand how doctors and lawyers feel when invited to a cocktail party. through my recovery i have been able to learn a very highhly desirous technical skill or two, i also finished an engineering degree and bettered myself. now all of a sudden, social contacts (not friends) are coming out of the woodwork to ask me technical advice or how to repair their computers without offering anything in exchange for my services, and then get all huffy when i will only go so far. truthfully this behavior feels like leeches sucking me dry and i think they feel that they have the right to ask, and call because i happen to be in the same fellowship as they are. i believe they are misinterpreting the part of our literature about giving away what i have and somehow they are entitled to the fruits of my labor for free.
however, for my friends, (those with whom i have established a relationship with) i will do almost anything and when they get close to the place where it is time for me to start charging i let them know. most of my friends understand the give and take of doing things for one another and they start suggesting they pay for my services long before we ever get close to that boundary. and what is really ironic is that a friend who i am currently helping to set-up an e-mail client was concerned that she was already way across that boundary and i had to let her know that she was not.
whew! the resentment is out in the public and let's see what fur flies!
so on to today's just for today reading. part of the resentment vented above comes from the fact that i realized that i did have potential and used the tools of recovery including GOD to realize that dream. i do know that when i was using that dreaming was not something i wanted to do. my dreams were mere fantasies, there was no way possible for me to identify my potential, let alone realize it. recovery has allowed me to see that my horizons go way beyond what i can see today. it also has allowed me to see that my potential is not limited to just education and my professional life, it also applies to my personal life and that is amazing. i no longer need to be trapped in doing the things i always have done in my relationships because i do not see a better way. recovery broadens the horizon in my personal life.
you know truthfully i care less and less of what people think of me these days and am more concerned about whether i am doing everything i can to see and realize the potential within. the result is often anger because i discover myself slipping back into the same old people pleasing behaviors, afraid to stand-up for myself and be true to what i am discovering is GOD's will for me today, after all ny TRUE WILL for myself is a reflection of GOD's will for me and being true to that my first priority in recovery today.
∞ DT ∞