Blog entry for:

my potential is as limitless and as powerful as the POWER that fuels my recovery. so as i sit here waiting for our business meeting to get rolling, i am struck by what i heard in the recovery potion of this morning. what i heard that no matter what happens a HIGHER POWER has my back. this has been one of the toughest lessons i had to learn over the past 12 months. walking in FAITH does not come naturally to me, it is something that i have to practice, a learned skill set, as it were. for me, there is nothing easy about it, as control of my own destiny has been a consistent theme throughout my life, in active addiction as well as in active recovery. part of what i am feeling is joy at being here in Idaho Falls with some of my favorite addicts in the world. i have been serving with these folks for over 8 years now and when i first came here i did not know any of them. listening with one ear with what is going on, i see that the change that started when i first came to this level of service, but i do not to go into that here and now. what i am thinking about is how my horizons are limited by lack of FAITH in the POWER that fuels my recovery. i see that the events of the past year has not been some sort of cosmic joke, foisted upon me by the POWER that fuels my recovery. it was not some sort of ironic joke either. what it has been is a choice of the path i want to walk. every day i GET to make a choice, do i really want to do more than pay lip service to my THIRD STEP{ decision? it is true that i daily ask for that POWER to take my will and my life, an then i promptly jump out of bed and get my day started. some parts of my will and my life are easy to leave in that care, BUT most of it i still try to force to go my way. i have trouble distinguishing between “NO” and “NOT YET”! so when i believe that i will not get what i think i NEED, it is easy to take back that part of my will and my life. the honest truth is that i always get exactly what i NEED. time and again, that has happened and yet my need to control my destiny brings me back to the sorts of decisions that limit my horizons. true addict thinking in action!
in July, the way my life looked, i was not going to have the resources to be in Idaho today, and in fact i would be looking for someone to take over my little service position for this Zonal Forum. well, the POWER that fuels my recovery had a different plan, all i had o do is let go, listen to what i was being told and accept that i needed help, and i needed to accept this help and do what was put in front of me. here i sit, happy and grateful for what i am being given, and no longer saying that's nice BUT…
well i guess it is time to be present and end this particular exercise. it is a great day to be clean, and more importantly surrender my will and my life into the care of the POWER that fuels my recovery.

∞ DT ∞