Blog entry for:

in new ways and i am not talking about my hamstrings or my calves :) . i can say for certain, that my current job is making me work harder, think harder and nerd harder that i have had to do in years. i can also say that the medical and aging issues that my parents have gone through over the past year, have stretched me emotionally. the FOURTH and FIFTH step cycle has stretched me spiritually. all of this has worn me out and i feel as if i am the wad of taffy being constantly pulled in one of the candy store windows up in Estes Park. what i do not feel as if i need to do, is to buy a pack of cigarettes or head to the local dispensary. those options are ones i choose not to exercise today.
the option i have chosen today, is to stay clean, nerd harder and get five miles under my belt. living this life in active recovery allows to see myself differently that i have for all these decades. i am worth doing what i need to do to keep my sanity, my job and my clean-time. that value may have always existed, but i was unwilling or incapable of seeing that. even today,m it is tough to reconcile what i am with who i want to be, twenty-four / seven. the old dialogue slips into the queue and all of as sudden i am once again unworthy of anything my current mode of living can offer me.right here and right now, i am whole and sane, so i think i will step into this dark and frosty morning to meet my fitness commitment, before sitting down to meet my work commitments.

∞ DT ∞