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show a courage not their own. i know this from my own experience and i have FAITH about this by watching what goes on around me.
the reading did not speak to me about the source of my courage, nor did it resonated within in me about the definition of courage. what i heard this morning i courage, how i can access it and live it.
being fearless and being courageous are not the same emotional states, although in the long run, the results are similar, i accomplish something that i believed beyond my capability. arriving at that place involved two separate paths, that were well explained in the reading. i will just say this, that since getting clean, the state of fearlessness, happens less than when i was in active addiction. the lack of mind altering substances is certainly to blame for that, but i also have a better grip on what is really happening. i have the ability today to see where i am going and decide to take action HOWEVER, knowing all that, it takes courage for me to move forward, because i lack the ability to be FEARLESS.
there is of course, the coward's way out, and it can be rationalized by the steps. since i am powerless and my life is unmanageable, i lack the sanity to rightfully judge my direction, so i can surrender my path into the care of a HIGHER POWER and live the life that is given me, without ever making a decision. this rationalization, makes living by default look so fVcking spiritual, that i am amazed i did not dream it up years ago, when living my life by default was my modus operendi. i know what has changed, i am no longer content living my life by default, accepting whatever happens to come down the pike. i want to take responsibility for my life, which starts taking responsibility for my recovery, in the here and now. by living a program of active recovery, i get to hear and catch glimpses of what the will of the POWER that fuels my recovery, happens to be. not that i always like what i discover, and yes this is discovery, not ‘uncovery’, as i am clueless as to that will in most instances of my life. anyhow, being paralyzed by FEAR is a state i know well. moving through that FEAR, is a state that i am coming to know, although it gets no easier with practice. what does ease the practice of courage is my growing FAITH in that POWER that fuels my recovery, and an abiding belief that i can become more than i was yesterday.
anyhow, as i was up way before the sun this morning, i think i will take advantage of this time to wrap this note up and get a run into the books. i can be courageous today, as the chances of me being fearless are practically nil.

∞ DT ∞