Blog entry for:

but rather the willingness to walk through it. fearful or fearless, when i came to the rooms i thought those were the only choices. even when i was riddled with fear, back in the days and nights of active using, i knew how to become instantly fearless, just use what was in arm's reach and move on. nothing to it!
early recovery, well there was always a medical professional close at hand, to which i did avail myself, with a great big nudge from my probation officer. that solution was very unsatisfactory for me, and i soon decided that i was not nuts, just feeling everything i had numbed away across the course of active addiction.
as i grew,i learned that acknowledging my fears and learning to evaluate them, was not the same as being fearless, nor was it acting ‘as if’ i had courage, it was what all human beings had to face, more often than not, FEAR of the unknown and known varieties.
growing up to become the man i have always wanted to be, is not an easy task. showing who i am to the world around me as well as to those who are closest to me, is the most fearful thing i encounter on a daily basis, and yet, when i let go and allow the POWER that fuels my recovery to care for my will and my life, that fear evaporates OR i get the strength to walk through it and accept what is on the other side.
as i obsessed over a silly computer game, far too late last night and am running more than a bit behind on my daily tasks, i will end with thsi9 thought, FAITH can give me the courage to face anything that happens to come down the pike today.

∞ DT ∞