ยฌ i had convinced myself that i was ยฌ
Posted: Sun, Mar 17, 2013 10:14:32 AM
a tough and courageous person who would not crack under any circumstance. boy was i wrong, i was actually a weak and feeble person, riddles with fear and anxiety, not knowing what disaster each day world bring and running for the comfort of chemically induced bliss, that would allow me some freedom from all of that. today, i see that for what it was, and i get to see myself mirrored in the actions and behaviors of others. especially in the life of one friend, who is doing his best to return to yet another stint as a guest of the state of Colorado Department of Corrections, if he is lucky.
this morning, i have been very productive, which on this particular day, all those days ago, would have been nearly impossible. i would have been joining the throngs of amateurs, drinking Irish whiskey and stout beer, until the wee hours of the morning, and planning what i would be doing today, knowing full well, that i would be calling in sick tomorrow. instead i have worked off some of my trades, done my weekly tasks, got 75% of my household chores complete and have yet to take a shower. best of all, there is very little to fear in my life today, as a result, there is little need to have to test whether or not i am courageous, or to dip into the pool of unnatural bliss, that using just one of anything would lead me to. i know for a fact, that i WILL get whatever it is that i need, and as this day goes on, IF i have just the tiniest bit of FAITH, i may actually get some of the stuff i want as well.
so rah-rah-cis-boom-bah, GO RECOVERY!
yes i know, the cheerleader kicked in and some days it is just like that. it is true, that North Korea has threatened to drop the big one on me, there are innumerable celestial objects that may be on a collision course with the planet i call home, Yellowstone Caldera, may once again erupt and i could be in a fatal accident when i make my journey to Sam's club today. yes all of that could happen, and much much more, BUT (and it really is a BIG ONE), i can be secure that while all that may happen, there is no reason to fear that any of that will happen. i can go on about my business, living in the here and now, and be grateful that i have one more opportunity to be a bit more than i was yesterday. no real courage in that, but at least with HOPE and FAITH, i do not have to face FEAR, UNCERTAINTY and DOUBT, alone and unarmed. i have all that i need today, and for me, that is enough. so off to the showers, then one more one-off and into getting the rest of what i want to get done, done. it is a great day to be alive.
this morning, i have been very productive, which on this particular day, all those days ago, would have been nearly impossible. i would have been joining the throngs of amateurs, drinking Irish whiskey and stout beer, until the wee hours of the morning, and planning what i would be doing today, knowing full well, that i would be calling in sick tomorrow. instead i have worked off some of my trades, done my weekly tasks, got 75% of my household chores complete and have yet to take a shower. best of all, there is very little to fear in my life today, as a result, there is little need to have to test whether or not i am courageous, or to dip into the pool of unnatural bliss, that using just one of anything would lead me to. i know for a fact, that i WILL get whatever it is that i need, and as this day goes on, IF i have just the tiniest bit of FAITH, i may actually get some of the stuff i want as well.
so rah-rah-cis-boom-bah, GO RECOVERY!
yes i know, the cheerleader kicked in and some days it is just like that. it is true, that North Korea has threatened to drop the big one on me, there are innumerable celestial objects that may be on a collision course with the planet i call home, Yellowstone Caldera, may once again erupt and i could be in a fatal accident when i make my journey to Sam's club today. yes all of that could happen, and much much more, BUT (and it really is a BIG ONE), i can be secure that while all that may happen, there is no reason to fear that any of that will happen. i can go on about my business, living in the here and now, and be grateful that i have one more opportunity to be a bit more than i was yesterday. no real courage in that, but at least with HOPE and FAITH, i do not have to face FEAR, UNCERTAINTY and DOUBT, alone and unarmed. i have all that i need today, and for me, that is enough. so off to the showers, then one more one-off and into getting the rest of what i want to get done, done. it is a great day to be alive.
∞ DT ∞