Blog entry for:

not anymore, but that has only recently changed. the POWER THAT KEEPS ME CLEAN AND PROVIDES FOR ALL MY NEEDS gave me a divine boot in my large posterior end to move forward with my life. does that mean i am any less afraid of what each day will bring? no really i still have concerns and questions, but i no longer sit on my duff and wait for a new client to drop out of the sky. i have committed myself to making this whole self-employment gig pay my bills and be successful. and that commitment is a demonstration to myself that i do have a bit of courage and faith today. truthfully i hate living in FEAR PERIOD! i know all the clichés that fear is a lack of.... blah blah blah. so what does the reading suggest? that i develop a bit of backbone in the form of COURAGE and move forward through whatever growth experience i happen to be going through. i know that FEAR is the enemy of growth in recovery. i also know that fear is the ally of the part of me that i call my disease. if i allow myself to continue to be paralyzed with FEAR, i will use once more.
"after all," my disease tells me, "what is the point of being clean if you feel this miserable. we know how to get rid of those miserable feelings just take this one...""
and i am off and running again! am i fearless about the path my career has taken? not by a long shot! am i fearless about the direction my personal life has taken? are you kidding?! but i do believe that in both these endeavors i can succeed and grow. life is too short to wish it away and cower with fear, hiding my head under the covers and hoping that the changes will stop soon. i want to live and to do so today i have to walk with a bit of courage and dare to become the man i was always meant to be.
in response to my private message
-- life on life‘s terms can really suck some days or even some weeks. i am glad to hear that you are hanging in there and thanks for sharing your feelings with me. i am always here for you!

∞ DT ∞