ยน our primary purpose? to carry the message to the addict who still suffers ยน
Posted: Wed, May 4, 2011 08:55:55 AM
i wondered where the most important person quote got stripped out of context and distorted beyond all recognition, and here it is in the reading this morning. i thought it was just folk wisdom, handed down as part of a parallel oral tradition, but NO it is in the literature. i go to this place, because i have heard so many trying to be oh so politically correct that any semblance of on-going recovery has been stripped from what they share and as a result, the meetings lose any sort of relevance for any of us who happen to be on the other side of the clean-time mean.
the original quote is the newcomer is the most important member at ANY meeting BECAUSE WE CAN ONLY KEEP WHAT WE HAVE, BY GIVING IT AWAY. in that context, there is no need to be less welcoming of any newcomer, and the atmosphere of recovery becomes all-inclusive, instead of geared towards mollycoddling a newcomer into the rooms. yes it is important for the group to be warm and welcoming to the newcomer, BUT that needs to come from what i DO and not from what i share. in this respect, my ACTIONS will speak far more loudly than my WORDS. i really hate to hear someone saying they share for the newcomer, when the still suffering addict may just be a member with significant clean time. more than once, there have been times in my recovery, when i attended a meeting NEEDING to hear something, and all i heard was the cliché-laden fluff, that some members believe that the newcomer NEEDS to hear. only to see those same members rush out of the room after the meeting to have dinner with their friends, and leaving the oh so valuable newcomer standing by themselves, wondering about what just went on.
okay, enough of my little rant about the problem, where i need to go, since i have spent so much defining what i see is wrong, is how i can be a part of the solution. while i am not one of those who “share for the newcomer” and i readily admit that, i am also not one of those who runs up to every newcomer after the meeting and starts to smother them with attention. i have a tendency to hang back and see what happens, and although it may appear that i am apathetic or do not care, i sincerely believe that the last thing a new arrival at our doors needs is twenty people surrounding them bombarding them with recovery, before they can barely put two thoughts together in a rational and sane manner. so often, i am separated from the newcomer parade and i feel no shame or remorse for that. my experience as newcomer was as varied as the different personalities i found in the various meetings i attended way back when. for me, the eternal cynic, when i was bombarded with program doublespeak and jargon that is often what our bromides boil down to, i thought to myself who do the fVckers think they are kidding? all they tell me to do is to stay clean, and yet they offer no practical solution for someone like me to actually do so. when i was surrounded by two or more members being peppered with folksy wisdom, i was overwhelmed and actually could not wait to dismiss them all and run away, far away and never come back again. when i was spoken to as a human being and not an object, when someone took the time to actually explain what was going on and ask me what i wanted, then and only then did i feel welcomed and ready to keep coming back and coming back clean. it is that experience that guides my actions in the meeting in regards to the newcomers. somehow the message that being welcoming means being the first to run up and start spouting program has become the norm around here, and then some wonder why most newcomers do not come back, much less come back clean.
where does that leave me? well an action item for me, is to remember that the newcomer is a human being, and not only deserves my respect has earned it by their courage of making it into the doors. with that in mind, soft-peddling the program with a bit of humor and my singular attention, is how i NEED to welcome the newcomer to the meetings i attend. when i share i carry the mess as well as the message, editing what and how i share just because there are newcomers in the room is not an option here. their bullsh!t detectors are on high, just like mine was way back when, and if i share the fluff they will hardly be impressed. even though they may not remember the content of what i share, my job is to allow them the chance to remember that i shared about REAL LIFE IN RECOVERY AND NOT SOME SORT OF FANTASY WORLD.
so enough soapbox, the time has come to hit the streets and work off the effects of my extended workout yesterday. i have a new mission today, to be one of the welcoming committee instead of of one of those observers, HOWEVER, i intend to carry the real message of our fellowship that an addict ANY addict can stop using, lose the desire to sue and find a new way to live.
the original quote is the newcomer is the most important member at ANY meeting BECAUSE WE CAN ONLY KEEP WHAT WE HAVE, BY GIVING IT AWAY. in that context, there is no need to be less welcoming of any newcomer, and the atmosphere of recovery becomes all-inclusive, instead of geared towards mollycoddling a newcomer into the rooms. yes it is important for the group to be warm and welcoming to the newcomer, BUT that needs to come from what i DO and not from what i share. in this respect, my ACTIONS will speak far more loudly than my WORDS. i really hate to hear someone saying they share for the newcomer, when the still suffering addict may just be a member with significant clean time. more than once, there have been times in my recovery, when i attended a meeting NEEDING to hear something, and all i heard was the cliché-laden fluff, that some members believe that the newcomer NEEDS to hear. only to see those same members rush out of the room after the meeting to have dinner with their friends, and leaving the oh so valuable newcomer standing by themselves, wondering about what just went on.
okay, enough of my little rant about the problem, where i need to go, since i have spent so much defining what i see is wrong, is how i can be a part of the solution. while i am not one of those who “share for the newcomer” and i readily admit that, i am also not one of those who runs up to every newcomer after the meeting and starts to smother them with attention. i have a tendency to hang back and see what happens, and although it may appear that i am apathetic or do not care, i sincerely believe that the last thing a new arrival at our doors needs is twenty people surrounding them bombarding them with recovery, before they can barely put two thoughts together in a rational and sane manner. so often, i am separated from the newcomer parade and i feel no shame or remorse for that. my experience as newcomer was as varied as the different personalities i found in the various meetings i attended way back when. for me, the eternal cynic, when i was bombarded with program doublespeak and jargon that is often what our bromides boil down to, i thought to myself who do the fVckers think they are kidding? all they tell me to do is to stay clean, and yet they offer no practical solution for someone like me to actually do so. when i was surrounded by two or more members being peppered with folksy wisdom, i was overwhelmed and actually could not wait to dismiss them all and run away, far away and never come back again. when i was spoken to as a human being and not an object, when someone took the time to actually explain what was going on and ask me what i wanted, then and only then did i feel welcomed and ready to keep coming back and coming back clean. it is that experience that guides my actions in the meeting in regards to the newcomers. somehow the message that being welcoming means being the first to run up and start spouting program has become the norm around here, and then some wonder why most newcomers do not come back, much less come back clean.
where does that leave me? well an action item for me, is to remember that the newcomer is a human being, and not only deserves my respect has earned it by their courage of making it into the doors. with that in mind, soft-peddling the program with a bit of humor and my singular attention, is how i NEED to welcome the newcomer to the meetings i attend. when i share i carry the mess as well as the message, editing what and how i share just because there are newcomers in the room is not an option here. their bullsh!t detectors are on high, just like mine was way back when, and if i share the fluff they will hardly be impressed. even though they may not remember the content of what i share, my job is to allow them the chance to remember that i shared about REAL LIFE IN RECOVERY AND NOT SOME SORT OF FANTASY WORLD.
so enough soapbox, the time has come to hit the streets and work off the effects of my extended workout yesterday. i have a new mission today, to be one of the welcoming committee instead of of one of those observers, HOWEVER, i intend to carry the real message of our fellowship that an addict ANY addict can stop using, lose the desire to sue and find a new way to live.
∞ DT ∞