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gets me into action, when i actually do something. better put, willingness without action is fantasy and i choose not to live in that fantasy today. the source material spoke of inertia, in both the physical sense as well as the spiritual. as one who has been stuck due to my fear or my complacency, as well as someone who has used constant motion to distract myself from what i needed to be doing, i understand the comparison. i would love to say that the external force that altered those actions was directly attributable to the POWER that fuels my recovery, but i have yet to have a conversation with GOD. no the external force that breaks my inertia is usually one of my loved ones or peers asking WTF is going on? one may choose to infer is evidence of a HIGHER POWER working in my life and i will not put up an argument against that, even though most of the time i do not buy into that theory. i go more for cause and effect: i am stuck in a less than ideal spiritual state ⇒ i become a raging lunatic asshole ⇒ i get called out on that with a verbal and spiritual beating soundly about my head and shoulders. often that is enough to cause me to pull my head out of my ass and change my momentum for the better.
i have also lived in the “fantasy” part of willingness. spouting off to all who would listen how “willing” i was do this or that, only to ignore any and all suggestions about how i might go about doing so. that pattern started at my very first meeting and although i learned the lingo and could spout off recovery tracts with the best of them, it was all smoke and mirrors, as i truly had no willingness to stay clean for any longer than it took me to be liberated from the justice system. and yet, here i am, a quarter of a century later, remembering what a total shit-head i was and seeking a better manner in which to live today. i have a daily recovery routine that i practice religiously that provides me the entry point into my days. i have the desire to stay clean and <GASP> actually do something to make that happen. my willingness to be a better person, through the TWELVE STEPS is no fantasy, at least for right now. so on this Star Wars Day (May the FOURTH) i am okay with the direction my life happens to be going and just for today, i choose to take whatever action my willingness requires.

∞ DT ∞