Blog entry for:

i know when i walked into my first meeting all those days ago, the last thing i got from it was a warm feeling of welcome. i carried that resentment with me through the entire period i was struggling to get clean and had to write about it in my very first fourth step.
but alas my memory is short and i forget about that meeting, or choose to suppress those feelings because now i have time clean and am a part of a home group.
it is up to me to reach out and welcome those who happen to walk in today. i can already hear the justifications and rationalizations running through my head why i did not do so at the last meeting i attended. i was too tired, too insane, wanted to be alone, i was practicing detachment from the newcomer parade, i was preoccupied or i was just in a bad mood. the truth is that for me, none of those lies can be maintained anymore. for me, i NEED to reach out, i cannot just say that SOMEONE else will take care of my responsibility for me. yes i have many friends in my home group and yes we do things outside of meetings and yes we joke around and laugh with each other. although a newcomer may not be able to participate fully in that kind of relationship at first, that does not mean that i should exclude them from trying.
this morning's reading just reinforces once again what i need to do at EVERY meeting i attend whether i am a home group member or not. i was lucky, external forces kept me coming back until i was ready to recover, any assumption on my part that the same thing will happen for the newcomer that walks into my home group tonight is just one more lie i can tell myself to keep me from living up to my responsibility. and today, right now, i want to be a full participant in my recovery, living up to my individual responsibilities.
∞ DT ∞