ยฟ what about the newcomer ?
Posted: Sun, May 4, 2014 09:37:39 AM
a very good question, and one that i struggle with, from time to time. the literature says to carry our message to the still suffering addict. so my concern, is that is it only the newcomer, who fits into this group? after all, many of my peers, are struggling with their recovery from time to time, and when i focus on the newcomer, their suffering gets swept under the carpet. the second issue i have, is often, when i make an extraordinary effort to reach out and welcome a newcomer, going beyond carrying the message, what happens when they get secure in their recovery. do i stop making the effort, or do i add them to a growing list of extraordinary efforts, that will soon overwhelm me with the burden of carrying the addict, rather than carrying the message. finally, what exactly does that effort to reach out to the newcomer consist of? allowing them to live in my home, providing their room and board, until such time that they can provide for themselves? finding them a job? lending them money? becoming a counselor for them to drop all their issues on? it goes on and on, and i am not good at establishing and enforcing boundaries.
part of the tradition of this fellowship and one i agree with wholeheartedly, is that we stand on our own two feet right from the beginning and start to learn how to be self-supporting. offering a hand in friendship and welcoming someone new into the fellowship, is certainly part of that effort,. tailoring what i share in a group, to address what it means to be new, is quite another. i have come to believe that it is my task to listen to them, share with them my Experience, Strength and Hope and sponsor them when i am asked. altering my life to fit theirs or lending financial support, is not part of what i am about, and that is not because i do not care. i do care, but stepping back and allowing another to succeed or fail on their own, has much more value, in my opinion, than hovering like a helicopter, waiting to swoop and and save them from themselves.
it is true, that i am detached from the parade of newcomers and i can rationalize and justify that behavior all that i want to, the fact is i keep a bit of distance. i do however, allow them to breathe a bit after others have swooped in and given them the holy gospel. when there is no swooping, i do take it upon myself, to speak to them about my life and what recovery looks like to me, from the heinousness of my early days through what it looks like today. i do let them know, that no matter what, they do not have to use, just for today. most importantly i let them know that they do have the support they need, should they make the choice to keep coming back.
the reading also speaks of a different newcomer and one that is often lost in the shuffle, due to all the focus ton the new to recovery addicts. that is the new to my local fellowship. they may not be still suffering, but they certainly are not an instant member of the pack, unless i introduce myself and others, as part of the meeting after the meeting. for me, that is the part of today's reading that goes to my heart. that is the part, that i can certainly strive to do better. all in all, this is where i can improve upon, what i already do, day to day. and certainly that leads to a possible daily inventory question: “did i welcome the newest member into our local fellowship, today?”
it is time however to leave all theoretical stuff behind and start moving into the real world. it is a good day to be clean, and who knows what will happen as this day goes forward.
part of the tradition of this fellowship and one i agree with wholeheartedly, is that we stand on our own two feet right from the beginning and start to learn how to be self-supporting. offering a hand in friendship and welcoming someone new into the fellowship, is certainly part of that effort,. tailoring what i share in a group, to address what it means to be new, is quite another. i have come to believe that it is my task to listen to them, share with them my Experience, Strength and Hope and sponsor them when i am asked. altering my life to fit theirs or lending financial support, is not part of what i am about, and that is not because i do not care. i do care, but stepping back and allowing another to succeed or fail on their own, has much more value, in my opinion, than hovering like a helicopter, waiting to swoop and and save them from themselves.
it is true, that i am detached from the parade of newcomers and i can rationalize and justify that behavior all that i want to, the fact is i keep a bit of distance. i do however, allow them to breathe a bit after others have swooped in and given them the holy gospel. when there is no swooping, i do take it upon myself, to speak to them about my life and what recovery looks like to me, from the heinousness of my early days through what it looks like today. i do let them know, that no matter what, they do not have to use, just for today. most importantly i let them know that they do have the support they need, should they make the choice to keep coming back.
the reading also speaks of a different newcomer and one that is often lost in the shuffle, due to all the focus ton the new to recovery addicts. that is the new to my local fellowship. they may not be still suffering, but they certainly are not an instant member of the pack, unless i introduce myself and others, as part of the meeting after the meeting. for me, that is the part of today's reading that goes to my heart. that is the part, that i can certainly strive to do better. all in all, this is where i can improve upon, what i already do, day to day. and certainly that leads to a possible daily inventory question: “did i welcome the newest member into our local fellowship, today?”
it is time however to leave all theoretical stuff behind and start moving into the real world. it is a good day to be clean, and who knows what will happen as this day goes forward.
∞ DT ∞