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for then i am teachable and can learn to live my new life successfully. when i walked into the rooms, i knew everything. in fact the answer to life, the universe and everything is 42. what i have discovered, is that many of the answers to the question i thought i knew, were misinformed or just plain wrong, ESPECIALLY, the answers i had about living life in the real world. just like 42, the answers i had were correct, technically and without a doubt, it was the questions that generated those answers that were askew.
recovery and the experience of its members, has provided a rich new context, to seek the answers and questions within a framework of a new manner of living. it has been said, and it has been said by me, that the longer i stay clean the less i seem to know. before you go off on me, about saying something that smacks of the whole false humility trip, let me speak to this issue directly. what i probably need to say instead is that the longer i stay clean the relative volume of stuff i think i know declines, as i began to see how much more is out there. it is NOT true, that recovery has made me more ignorant, nor has it made me superstitious or any less rational. in fact, there is an entirely new set of knowledge that i am just coming to get a grip upon, namely who and what i really am, and how that person fits intro the world around him. while all of that was out there, and i thought i KNEW all there was to know about that particular area of knowledge, what i am learning is that even with some time clean, i still discover new and interesting facts about myself on a daily basis, and worse yet, that knowledge base is a fast moving target, as the changes an active recovery program fosters, happen so quickly that what i thought i knew about myself has already changed.
that one tiny example is just a harbinger of what i am learning about on a daily basis. do not even get me started on the spiritual side, or FAITH, or the process of becoming what i have always wanted to be. all of those bodies of knowledge are in such a state of flux, the best i can do is capture a snapshot of what is happening at any given time. put all of that discovery and uncovery process into the context of the fellowship that has given me this new manner of living and what i thought i knew becomes further diminished to the point of me being overwhelmed. so it comes down to accepting that IF i choose to grow through working a program of active recovery, THAN i accept that what i know will change, what i need to know will be revealed and i will continue to see how much out there i DO NOT and MAY NEVER know for certain, and all of that is okay this morning. i CAN ACCEPT that a state of being teachable is a good place for me to be. i can ACCEPT that what i know today, while true in the here and now, may need to be tossed into the bit bucket tomorrow. most of all i CAN ACCEPT that not knowing everything is more than just okay, it is the normal condition of most of the human race, and i am working a program to rejoin my fellow humans as a fully functioning and contributing member of society.
so enough of spinning the clichés of the world and move into this beautiful Mother's day morning. i can learn more, all i have to do is pay attention to my teachers, whoever they happen to be today.

∞ DT ∞