Blog entry for:

Thu, May 8, 2014 08:08:37 AM


ƒ i will admit that i do not have all the answers ƒ
posted: Thu, May 8, 2014 08:08:37 AM

 

i will look and listen to the experience of others for the answers i need.
yes it is true, the longer i stay clean, the more i seem to have to learn. not necessarily about staying clean, but certainly about life itself. the ole bromide, that i am certainly apt to use for a number of reasons, “the longer i stay the less i seem to know,” is quite true and appropriate for me.
once upon a time, i certainly knew everything, or at least i thought i did. that period of my life that started in active addiction, finally ended after i had finally accumulated quiet a few days clean. that was the same time, my proverbial head got pulled from my a$$, as the saying also goes and i woke up out the state of blissful ignorance, i had striven so hard to maintain. yes thinking that i knew everything about recovery and acting on that knowledge, kept me in a state of ignorance and as i look at others in the same phase of their recovery, i see how blissful they really are and can apply that to my own recovery path, in retrospect.
there are some, who never want to own that they are addicts, and still speak of the “the disease” AS IF IT IS SOME ALIEN INVADER OR OUTSIDE INFLUENCE. that attitude protected me form all sorts of realizations and recriminations, for the longest time, and i get why others would want to be blissful;ly unaware of their part in their their ongoing addiction. that layer of denial, kept me from applying the third disturbing realization into all areas of my life, and i could “treat” each of the manifestations of my addiction, as a symptom of this disease, instead of an inherent part of the whole me. part of my vision of the man i want to become, is becoming whole. as an addict in addiction, i learned how to separate and compartmentalize, my personality and psyche, based on my perceived needs at the time. owning that i am an addict, and as an addict, everything i see, do and touch, is colored by and filtered through the part of me i call addiction, allows me to learn from what is going on around me, as well, as inside of me. no longer is addiction some mysterious black-box, that fills me with dread. i may not know why or how, addiction works, BUT i can see its effects on my life and how i affect others, and learn from those interactions. i can stop worrying about what goes on inside the box., and accept that it just is. it simplifies and yes amplifies my life in recovery, as i no longer have to protect my fragile ego from the realization that the FIRST STEP, actually asks me to make.
now, and only now, can i be teachable, because i have the need to see, what others do, in their daily lives and what i can do, to apply their experience to mine. even those who are still lurking in the shadows that their feigned passions, is a cover up for their attitude that they know all that they need to know about addiction and recovery. intuitively, what this leads to is, that i need no longer share, just to hear the sound of my own voice. i need no longer parrot back the party line and hide behind a façade of being everything to everyone and carrying more clout than i really do. no longer, do i need to be every man and hide the sins and stains of addiction, past and present from my peers in the room. yes i can be whole and walk with pride, that today i am an addict, who knows just enough to be dangerous, but is willing to learn a bit more, because there is quite a bulk of knowledge i have yet to possess.

∞ DT ∞

 

djtConsulting Brand
The views expressed on this page are solely the opinion of the author.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.

Another Look!

↔ a wonderful learning enviornment for me ↔ 283 words ➥ Monday, May 8, 2006 by: donnot
↔ All i have to do is admit that i do not have all the answers, ↔ 325 words ➥ Tuesday, May 8, 2007 by: donnot
μ as a recovering addict and as a human being, i have much to learn. μ 265 words ➥ Thursday, May 8, 2008 by: donnot
μ the fellowship is a wonderful learning environment for the recovering addict μ 216 words ➥ Friday, May 8, 2009 by: donnot
∴ addiction is a great teacher, and if it teaches nothing else, it does teach me humility ∴ 549 words ➥ Saturday, May 8, 2010 by: donnot
∫ i have learned that it is okay to not know all the answers, ∫ 657 words ➥ Sunday, May 8, 2011 by: donnot
¤ as long as i remain teachable , 756 words ➥ Tuesday, May 8, 2012 by: donnot
∗ other addicts—and other humans — 728 words ➥ Wednesday, May 8, 2013 by: donnot
♠ i will look and listen to ♠ 781 words ➥ Friday, May 8, 2015 by: donnot
⫽ teachable ⫽ 742 words ➥ Sunday, May 8, 2016 by: donnot
✗ it is okay ✘ 588 words ➥ Monday, May 8, 2017 by: donnot
🎓 i have much to learn, 🎓 591 words ➥ Tuesday, May 8, 2018 by: donnot
📐 taking advantage 💬 576 words ➥ Wednesday, May 8, 2019 by: donnot
💩 the answers 💫 615 words ➥ Friday, May 8, 2020 by: donnot
🚘 traveling man 🚗 2 words ➥ Saturday, May 8, 2021 by: donnot
🤔 all the answers, 🤓 567 words ➥ Sunday, May 8, 2022 by: donnot
😎 tolerance 😎 418 words ➥ Monday, May 8, 2023 by: donnot
🤨 it took my very best 🤨 545 words ➥ Wednesday, May 8, 2024 by: donnot
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☯ The Tao that can be spoken is not the eternal Tao ☯

THE TAO TEH KING, OR THE TAO AND ITS CHARACTERISTICS
by Lao-Tse
Translated by James Legge

Book 2

1) The ancients who showed their skill in practising the Tao did so,
not to enlighten the people, but rather to make them simple and ignorant.