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I CHOOSE to live a spiritual life. these days it is a choice and one that is not all that difficult to implement, MOST OF THE TIME. as i sit here this morning, i am wondering about who is being honest with whom. while i have been berated for dragging my feelings about others into this forum, i will stop there, only to say this when i get conflicting stories from both parties involved, and get them more than once, one may begin to suspect that the truth, such as it is, is not being revealed for whatever reason.
moving on, yes that was a choice, and yes today, i have decided that my suspicions need to be better investigated before i make any conclusions or start to color my perceptions by half-formed judgements. the fact is someone is lying to someone else, and if i am the one being conned, that fact will be revealed soon enough. i can live with that, and i guess i was not quite ready to move on after all. there are times when i get so locked into a notion, that all the FREEDOM, i have been given, feels like it has suddenly been withdrawn and i am once again stuck in a prison, made by the consequences of my actions and behaviors. it feels almost as bad as the prison of active addiction at times, and like active addiction, there is a way out, and that way is no mystery, it has been revealed to me by the members who were in the room way back when and the members who are in the rooms today.
so what game will i play today? always an interesting thought, for life in recovery has all sorts of twists and turns, and often. the best part is that i can often cover my tracks with a bit of spiritual camouflage.
nice work, when you can get it.
just as the example above illustrates, there are all sorts of ways i can take these stray and seemingly random thoughts and notions, i have, and turn them into something more than they are. i know all about obsession, it once felt like my middle name, although i was consciously clueless about how much it ruled my life. i know about compulsion, that too is something that fuels my life as an addict, and that too, comes back to haunt me from time to time. this morning? i CAN ALLOW myself to be trapped in that pattern, or i can actually give that over to the POWER that fuels my recovery. this morning? well i choose a bit more obsession before surrender. a shower and down to the office i go.the drive done there always clears my mind, and i will be able to focus on doing the next right thing, which is to wrap up my project, get ready for the convention this weekend, help my niece celebrate her birthday and maybe get some writing done or at east get my book club selection a little bit further digested. this io know for sure, I DO HAVE A CHOICE TODAY, my job is to make the deciosn that opens up my horizons instead of closing them down.

∞ DT ∞