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i must make choices for myself and become willing to accept the consequences. so yes, in active addiction i lived my life by default and yes in recovery, i have tries to pass decision-making over to someone else. when i choose not to decide, i still have made a choice!
writing this, so far into my day, i have quite a different perspective on my life today and as part of my step working process, i am making conscious decisions, yes choice, to alter my daily routine. those alterations, are supposed to be building up a tolerance for change and based on the events in my life lately, it is certainly working. one of the choices i made this week was to text my sponse, instead of calling him. i did not want to get the suggestion, that we should meet soon, BUT, he still texted me back those very words. sometimes, i succeed in getting what i NEED, even as i am trying so actively to avoid it.
now that Rush song is stuck in my head, that is what i get for lifting something without attribution, but i digress.
today, what choices have i made. well i did not step out of my routine very far. i worked, i went to a meeting, but i also had a massage and am going off to meet a sponsee, as soon as i finish writing this. so just enough of conscious change to get by. what do i want? well, i am approaching the point where i am ready to have all those things, traits and defects removed that block me from becoming the man i want to be. i am also approaching a place where i want to once again, step up and take responsibility for my life, at least those parts that are in my control and are part of the will of the POWER that fuels my recovery. what does that mean. well for today, it means listening with an open mind, to whatever my sponsee has to offer and providing feedback from my heart and not my head. it means coming home and being present for the love of my life. and it means paying attention to the clock, so i can be on-time, and ready to roll, and the clock on the wall says it is time to hit the dusty trail. it is a great day to be an active part of my life and for that i am grateful.

∞ DT ∞