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a life in active recovery, just for today, may seem like a no-brainer, and for me, it certainly is. unlike some of my peers, i resisted the notion that maybe i needed a new way to live and that total abstinence was the path to that better life, after all, i did not have a drug problem. many days later, i live that life of total; abstinence and realize that i was not mistaken in those early days. i really did not have a “drug problem,” in fact my problem went much deeper than that and i was blinded to that fact by the differences i sought out, between myself and my peers in the rooms. it was not until i finally saw that i “needed” something different and material things, sex, food or drugs were not going to fulfill that longing. i may not be the most spiritual guy on the block, BUT i do realize that accepting that i am an addict and need something greater than addiction, to add fulfillment to my life. as much as i struggled with the notion of a HIGHER POWER, surrendering to the “WHAT EVER” was what i needed to embark on a life in active recovery.
i throw around the term “active recovery” all the time, but i rarely add any insight into what that means to me. that process, starts with a CHOICE i make in the morning before my feet hit the floor, to admit i am powerless over addiction and ask for the power to stay clean, just for today. these days, that “prayer” is directed to the POWER that fuels my recovery, whether or not there is any POWER out there, even listening. once that choice is made, i do what i have learned to implement by following the suggestions of those with whom i share the rooms. i “sit and listen”, i walk through my day make choices, i judge and discern what i see happening around me and i respond rather than react to the events of the day. sounds pretty simple and quite saint-like, the catch here, is i often cannot tell the difference between judgement and discernment and i often react before i get the chance to respond. hence, i have to look at my day, inventory the “good” and the “bad” and see what needs to be discarded, what needs to be kept and what i need to clean-up. afterwards, i thanks the POWER that fuels my recovery, for another day of being able to choose this path of recovery. pretty simple but not very easy, at least for this addict. i make no bones about it, i know that service to my fellowship and my community is part of that life, but in no way, do i “crave” serving others to fill the void addiction create within me, that void is filled with a commitment to live better, be better and to look for a THE spiritual choice, when given the opportunity.
the spiritual choice, right here and right now, is to wrap this up and head on out for my morning constitutional. taking care of my physical self, is part of making a choice to live a life of active recovery. my work may be filled with puzzles to solve, there may be chaos in my volunteer activities. the world may be plague-filled and tumultuous, but just for today, i will choose to seek a higher path, thanks to the recovery i have been given.

∞ DT ∞