Blog entry for:

of my peers and sponsor is a choice i can make today. today, because of the choices i make, i did not think i would get this little ditty done, before i took off to fulfill a personal commitment. what i **heard** this morning was not about my freedom to choose, but rather a return to a behavior pattern that is closely related, the freedom to blame. once upon a time, when i was seeking the “answer” to why i used, i lived in this mode. if i could blame the events in my life, my lack of opportunities, my genetics or my feelings for my uncontrollable use of drugs, then i was absolved of any responsibility to move forward in my life and my recovery. after all, my feelings, my genetics and my past could not be changed. as much as i would like to, when my peers share that their anger or grief “made” them use, i no longer have to assign motives for their beliefs. what was true for me, may not be true for them. all i know these days is that the longer i sought out the “why” of addiction i was not focused on the “how” of recovery. choosing a different path and abandoning my research into the “root” cause, allowed me the freedom to actually foster and enjoy my life in recovery.
it is not all that different today, as i still tumble into the “see what YOU made ME do” paradigm, when i want to choose to abdicate my freedoms. the easier, softer way is to react in my default manner and admit i was wrong, some time in the future. as i wrap this little ditty up and start on my road trip, i think i can remember that the hours i drive today is a CHOICE i make and with a few keystrokes could be permanently removed fro my life. all i would have to say is that i am not doing this anymore. i am not a VICTIM of this choice as i willingly, most of the time, choose to do what i need to do, to make this day happen. i take the responsibility to choose today and leave my freedom to blame, on the wayside, at least just for right now. one will see what happens when i get on the highway this morning. 🤪

∞ DT ∞