§ if i want the lives i see others living §
Posted: Mon, May 21, 2012 08:37:55 AM
i can find out what they have done to get where they are, if i go to meetings and ask them. although chances are i am not going to a meeting today. it is not that i do not need to go to meetings, or i have grown past going to meetings, it is just be the the time we pack up, fly home and get home, i will be ready to just relax for more than a few minutes.
so already my morning has been full, i finally got allowed myself the chance to run at sea level, not quite the boost i was expecting but i got it in. my bags are packed and i am finally having my morning coffee while i write this and wait for the rest of our party to decide what we will be doing.
as the answers are being revealed, i am getting a sense of what this morning may bring. a bit of confusion, perhaps a jaunt to the rows of marble markers that is Arlington cemetery, definitely breakfast. this morning, i once again had a very deep and long meditation session, so i am capable, at least right now, of going with the flow.
back to the topic at hand. meetings were certainly important for me, back in the day. it was there that i found my first glimpse of HOPE and started to believe that i could be so much more than just an another filthy, dirty addict, scraping the bottom to get what i thought i NEEDED to get. i never would have believed that i could come back to DC, clean, and stay clean while i was here, even though most everyone i knew has long since been dispersed to the winds of time. in fact, this vacation was paid for in advance, using cash and no credit, although i have used more than a bit of credit since hitting town. most importantly, i GOT to be a part of something fantastic in the life of the woman i love and her daughter, not really the sort of life i ever thought i could live in any of my pipe dreams. the members who were here in the way back then, taught me to hold on, and allow my dreams to reawaken, and most importantly pay attention to those dreams i never knew i had! they taught that yes i am, and always will be an addict, and that IF i want to keep getting what they were giving, i had to keep coming back. so i did, and know i iz one of them, offering the same example to the newcomer who is walking in the door today, well not today, since i will not be going to a meeting tonight, but you get my drift. i can only give back what i have been given, IF i keep coming back!
anyhow it is time to shut down, pack up and get some breakfast. it is a great day to be on this side of the grass, even better to be in DC, and grateful that i have a home to go back to, and i DO have a home, not just a house, and it is the people in my life, that love me that make it my home.
so already my morning has been full, i finally got allowed myself the chance to run at sea level, not quite the boost i was expecting but i got it in. my bags are packed and i am finally having my morning coffee while i write this and wait for the rest of our party to decide what we will be doing.
as the answers are being revealed, i am getting a sense of what this morning may bring. a bit of confusion, perhaps a jaunt to the rows of marble markers that is Arlington cemetery, definitely breakfast. this morning, i once again had a very deep and long meditation session, so i am capable, at least right now, of going with the flow.
back to the topic at hand. meetings were certainly important for me, back in the day. it was there that i found my first glimpse of HOPE and started to believe that i could be so much more than just an another filthy, dirty addict, scraping the bottom to get what i thought i NEEDED to get. i never would have believed that i could come back to DC, clean, and stay clean while i was here, even though most everyone i knew has long since been dispersed to the winds of time. in fact, this vacation was paid for in advance, using cash and no credit, although i have used more than a bit of credit since hitting town. most importantly, i GOT to be a part of something fantastic in the life of the woman i love and her daughter, not really the sort of life i ever thought i could live in any of my pipe dreams. the members who were here in the way back then, taught me to hold on, and allow my dreams to reawaken, and most importantly pay attention to those dreams i never knew i had! they taught that yes i am, and always will be an addict, and that IF i want to keep getting what they were giving, i had to keep coming back. so i did, and know i iz one of them, offering the same example to the newcomer who is walking in the door today, well not today, since i will not be going to a meeting tonight, but you get my drift. i can only give back what i have been given, IF i keep coming back!
anyhow it is time to shut down, pack up and get some breakfast. it is a great day to be on this side of the grass, even better to be in DC, and grateful that i have a home to go back to, and i DO have a home, not just a house, and it is the people in my life, that love me that make it my home.
∞ DT ∞