Blog entry for:

as sit here this morning, trying to figure out how to write about the topic that occupied my mind without outing one or more of my peers. what i have come up with, which fits into what i heard as i sat quietly this morning and listened was that the reason i keep coming to meetings is to remind myself of who i am: an addict; where i came from: the depths of despair; and where i am going: becoming the person i never dreamed was possible. i am not there for the newcomer, nor am i there for the still suffering addict, everyone else can be there for both of those groups. no i come to meetings, and keep coming to meetings, because i like what i have, and in the usual addict manner, i want more.
over the past week, i have been in the eye of a spiritual storm, watching a few of my peers struggle with, what it means to them to come to meetings. somehow, somewhere, someone got the notion that once we come to recovery, we are are suddenly saints. i have heard it from my friends who float in and out, more than once. as if, the magic wand of going to meetings, suddenly makes all of us spiritual giants. it certainly did not make me one, nor did i ever expect myself to become a spiritual titan. if that is what i think of myself, why on Earth would i think anyone else would be transformed into the next Mother Theresa?
and yet, some of my peers, believe it is the fault of the program, when another peer, succumbs to human frailty and does something that is not quite right. so now they must run and hide, to keep what they have from those recovery bums, who are out to get them. or as my friend is fond of saying those two-faced liars, who purport to be holier than thou, to everyone they meet. of course i have to point out that there are pedophiles in every church group, and yet followers of that FAITH, do not leave the fold, because their kid got fondled. no they have come to an accommodation that bad people exist even in groups with a higher calling. so why would a fellowship that is full of felons, liars cheats and addicts be held to a higher standard?
so i keep coming to meetings, whether i want to or not. it true, i walk out worse in some cases because of the shenanigans i witness. it is also true, that sometimes i am part of those extracurricular activities. and yet i keep coming back, because just for today, i want more and i know the only place for me to get it, is at the meetings.
it is a good day to get rolling on to work and to be clean.

∞ DT ∞