Blog entry for:

i am at home in meetings of my fellowship, i am among friends. although, at times i feel like running away, far away, from all the on its own terms stuff, that being in a group of addicts creates.
drama, and trauma, that was my life back in the day. true, most of it was manufactured by me, and of course i blamed everyone and everything else for all that. no one “got me” and worst of all no one cared. being a rock, and island to myself, tossed battered by the storms of an uncertain world, bearing the pain of living by myself, seemed to be my fate. i did however, have an ace in the whole. there was always something to remove my pain and take me away, and it was not Calgon!
i did not warm to the fellowship at first, but i kept coming to meetings. although i had no hope that anyone would be able to ever get me, what i did hope for, was that these people would show me how to use successfully, so when my legal problem went away, i could use and never, ever have it come back again. that was over five thousand and seven hundred days ago, and guess what, i am still here and i am going to a meeting tonight! it has only been this set of steps, that has really attached me to the fellowship, as the drama and the trauma of this group of addicts was something i did my best to stay away from, for the longest time. yes i kept coming back, but i did my damnedest to stay away from becoming involved in the lives of the addicts in the rooms, except for a select few. well those days are over, as i have discovered i need them all, more than they probably need ,me. their trials and tribulations, mirror my own and even with some days clean, i still fins myself thinking that maybe, just maybe, i can…
the real world, however beckons, so i will end this with the thought, that as long as i keep coming back, i have the chance to continue on my journey to becoming the person i have always wanted to be. that journey may not be smooth, nor easy, but it is my only hope today. fortunately for me, i know where the guides for that journey are found, and i am dead certain to hear something i need to further my progress at the meeting tonight. it is a good day to be clean.

∞ DT ∞